I appreciate the honesty here, Noha, and yes, I struggle with similar issues. But I don't think it's quite equivalent, because I am part of the dominant culture in this country. To face overt racism and unfounded hatred and not want to defend yourself, your beliefs, and your heritage requires a level of self-restraint that is beyond most of us mere mortals. We were born with egos. Denying that is denying something innate, though I agree that for those who are able, it is liberating.
I spent so many years committed to organized religion and the adjacent judgement of self and others. There was never a time when I felt good enough. Now, I try to acknowledge my flaws and weaknesses and reflect a more accepting disposition back into the world, not to excuse those I feel are causing intentional harm, but to keep myself from dwelling on what I'm powerless to change.
It is definitely difficult and I am definitely failing but I think I'm still supposed to keep striving. The dichotomy of "this is so hard" and "I still need to try" is where the difficulty is for me, and where I often fall apart. I think the framework you're using to acknowledge harm is a good one. And to also recognize our own shortcomings. It's hard! But it's the work we have to do if we want to strive for improvement and change.
Thanks Noha. Throughout my life, into my 50s, I tried to please my father, always failing, until I woke up and realised it was not possible for me.
I was always being the best person I could be.
Humanity comes before all else for me Noha, and any businessman, spokesperson, politician, or commentor on this page who cannot view ALL men as equals, has a problem, either ignorance or some form of absurd belief about "others."
I still suffer from imposter syndrome, and am learning to ignore those thoughts and persevere.
I, like you, find myself triggered by the drivel I hear and read. Unlike you, a cannot guarantee to hold my own counsel.
I have witnessed the capacity of the peoples of Palestine and Lebanon to accept, pray, and above all EXIST. When existence is resistance.
The most vivid example of this was the recording by the Red Crescent Paramedic, Rifaat Radwan, who was one of fifteen rescue workers murdered by the IDF on 23rd March 2025. Rifaat recorded the convoy of ambulances and a fire truck entering the area with lights flashing and sirens blaring. 8 paramedics, 6 civil defence workers and one UN staff member were murdered. Rifaat is heard saying sorry to his mother, he chose this way of life(paramedic) to help people, and then prays to Allah.
His words and his calmness in his last moments have stuck with me. I care Noha, and it feels futile and hopeless, and along come these words from Riffat Radwan, and I think, "how dare I."
Ted, this reminder of the Red Crescent Paramedics and Rifaat Radwan's video specifically took my breath away. That video, his words in the video, absolutely broke me, both because of the moral injury of witnessing it all and beause of the dignity he had and the clarity he had at that moment, knowing he was about to die, and yet instead of panicking, he takes a moment to apologize to his mother and to say his prayers.
Chasing your father's validation, and then realizing it was never going to happen, is both heartbreaking and also so freeing. Some parents insist on keeping too much control over their kids, even as they become adults, and refuse to relinquish that and when that happens the only thing you can really do is stop playing that game, stop seeking their validation, be yourself and hold yourself to your own standards. You do not owe it to them to live exactly as they did or as they expect you to.
I suspect we all chase external validation to one degree or another. But I think now that I'm here in my early 60s, I care less about than ever before.
As for how Muslims treat each other and others, the Muslims in Sarajevo, many of them who went through the war that tore their country apart, remain some of the kindest, most openhearted people -- even toward those who don't do the same in return.
I definitely care way less now than I did at any time in the past, and that's the continuation of a change that started in my late 30s and early 40s. I think maybe what shocked me so much this time is that I had convinced myself I didn't care anymore and then this essay came and walloped me! I'm disappointed in myself for caring, especially when it's someone who's been clear about his hate for Muslims for years/decades. Maybe what hit me isn't his words, but the adulation and acceptance they received.
Sarajevo... I think about that and about how they remained incredibly kind hearted and loving and open. I'm not sure I would have been able to do the same. Their hearts are very pure, to manage that.
Please don’t be hard on yourself that you were “walloped” by this. It’s woven into our dna that we need belonging and this hit you also on an ancestral level. There’s also the gaslighting nature of him pretending to only hate some Muslims. It’s all very harmful and infuriating.
Sometimes, I think I am doing some sort of opposition research by skimming pieces which aim at liberalism, but reek of anti-Blackness in legacy media and popular social media. Don't be blindsided by what might be coming, I tell myself.
It is one thing to take note and move on, but the stench from some writers clings to the clothes for days. It's good to remind yourself that the loudest voices are not always the essential ones. This essay makes this point with clarity.
First this is a spectacular piece. I'm not Muslim so I don't feel qualified to talk about that. I will say that I believe that all humans strive for external validation. We all want to be loved, we all wish to be happy, we all wish for an end to suffering. I am also like a previous commenter a Buddhist. Frequently after many years of practice and study I will feel like why have I understood so little, why do I have such difficulty practicing. We cling to self identity. When we go deeply into examining our "selves" we find that we are more complex than we frequently believe. Those thoughts of self and others, those thoughts of not good enough, those thoughts of fear, shame, anger. They are also transient and impermanent. We forget frequently the times that we selflessly risked for others, where we willingly gave up something pleasant so that others could share. We forget the many beautiful things we have done as humans even to others that have hurt us, who disdain us. The fear teaches us courage, the shame teaches us to strive for a moral center, the anger that we have forgotten that those who anger us want also to be safe, happy, and secure. We have a choice to offer compassion , kindness. We can be happy at others happiness. And we can choose to not pick and choose who is worthy. Thank you for the reminder. I wish you comfort and security.
Islam is such a beautiful religion. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian environment, and I've always felt deeper heart and soul resonance with the teachings of Islam, which I have been blessed to receive.
I think sometimes we read things we know have the potential to harm us (opinion pieces, comments, etc.) because we're hopeful that one day when we look, we will see that the change we've been praying for is now in action.
Sometimes it's hard waiting for that peace to arrive. Sometimes the weight feels like torture, especially when we know vulnerable people, vulnerable children, the animals and the environment are suffering so deeply.
I think you may have figured it out! There's always this little hope that maybe this time is the beginning of the change. Humans are so impatient and so short-sighted! I've heard sermons on patience that remind us that we might fight for justice on an issue for our whole life but never see the change, and then someone else picks up the mantle and three lifetimes later, the thing we've been working for is finally resolved. This is why we're told in our tradition that we're held to account for our efforts but not for the results. It's a simple concept but so so hard to actually internalize and act on.
Thank you for sharing the nature of sermons on patience, Noha, it means so much to me. I will take it to heart - the world is heavy and this teaching is critical.
Thank you for this, Noha, and for all your pieces. Your humanity shines through so brightly and achingly here. I think this is what we are here for, to meet these questions and sometimes struggle with them. I trip and fall over and over, and I think of a teacher who shared about the “through line” - continuing to try, no matter how many times we maybe haven’t done what we wanted, how we wanted. Andddd, again I see you being so human. Reading the awful thing (and it sounds awful), getting angry, feeling your heart. I see you. As a long-recovering chaser of validation, I love how you ended this: “Essentially, to stop caring because I want to be liked, and to care instead for the sake of justice and equality. It’s a fine line, but a critical one.”
Yes! And I think loving justice is where the rage comes from. And the wanting to be liked is wired into us, so the practice of shifting that towards collective care is noble and aspirational, and difficult, so it’s really great to go together and know we are not alone in it. You are not alone!
"Loving justice is where the rage comes from" is a helpful framing. I often feel like I'm losing my mind with these ideas and I read your comments and feel so seen and like "ok, I'm not crazy!"
But the validation-chasing sucks. I'm cooling off as the week continues. There is so much we cannot control, and knowing that it wouldn't matter what I said or did, what evidence I brought, some people will never like me, I have to make my peace with that.
I hear you! So glad you feel seen. And I am grateful for this nugget: “knowing that it wouldn’t matter what I said or did, what evidence I brought, some people will never like me.” Or will stop liking me, if they did. Ohhh, yes. Making peace with that is the struggle, and also the seed of liberation. People are so different, and it is truly hrs to understand, and sometimes we never will. That is also so hard, but so much a part of this Earth journey. Thanks for this, Noha. With you in it.
I think we all "chase external validation" - at least to a degree. It is a human thing. After some genuine external "success" as a poet - publication and awards - I spent the next 22 years NOT publishing my own work and not submitting it elsewhere for publication, in part because I felt that the lure of external validation collided with how I wanted to write.
Now I am self-publishing here on Substack, and the external validation can be pleasant but I set my own boundaries around that and I write what I want to write.
My concern over external validation is perhaps different to your own. I do not have a believe in "God" as such.
I do, however, have a concern for truth and honesty - which would be our common ground here, along with our common humanity. I deeply admire your strength in reading some of the worst things written about your faith. I admit, I find that almost impossible most of the time. I feel tainted by it, and so saddened at the reminder of the ignorance and fear which lies behind most hate.
I make myself read the news, and witness it on screen. I do what I can to bridge misunderstanding and gulfs of ignorance - and to speak truth as I see it. What disturbs me even more is the fact that there are some highly intelligent people who promote fear and spread ignorance and untruth, knowingly and cynically, in order to build and maintain power and control. There is always the hope that genuine ignorance can be remedied. Malicious manipulation is much harder.
The clarity and honesty of your writing - and that of others - is more essential than ever.
David, I fully agree with your take about cynical people who intentionally promote hate and fear for their own interest.
I also admire the fact you walked away from it all for 22 years to stay authentic. That's a big deal! I've definitely spent years offline when it comes to my writing, but that had more to do with being burnt out and having little to say during that time than it did with an intentional choice to keep my work private. On a much smaller scale, I did decide to roll back my writing here so that I could work on slower, longer term projects that don't give me instant gratification in the form of comments and likes. It was a shift in where I find meaning and delaying the dopamine hits.
Thank you for this thoughtful essay @Noha Beshir! I have moments of strength like that, and I can only pray to Allah SW that they get more frequent and recurrent until one day that becomes my permanent hal! That would be nice :) I am far from that still.
May that dua be granted, Janan. Your comment really moved me, so much so that I had to sit with it for several days. I repeat that verse so often "Qul lan yuseebana illa ma kataba Allahu lana" and yet I don't internalize it. IsA I am motivated to strengthen my relationship to the Creator and less consumed with seeking the love of his creation.
Oh man, that verse sits with me and I really really struggle with it. The essays, smears and insults are definitely only adha, but I think my struggle comes to the persecution the Prophet (pbuh) endured, and what's happening in Gaza and Lebanon for example. It's hard for me to process those as adha! When they're literally torture and murder. Maybe this is an indication of my heart being too tied to dunya. Maybe it's an indication that I misunderstand the aya. I'm not sure which?
Thank you for this painfully honest piece of writing, Noha. It makes me think we are all such human works in progress.
My guess is that even Janan Delgado, even with that beautiful comment, might struggle with this too. I know I certainly do, even with years of Buddhist practice and study, where the guidance is very similar to what you describe in Islam. While there may not be a God or Allah or deity in Buddhism, we are encouraged to practice faith and trust in the awakened nature of all beings, to trust the truth of interdependence, to wish for the end of suffering for all beings including those who have committed the most heinous and hate-filled of acts. It's a tall order to live up to, perhaps impossible. But we keep practicing.
Everything that I've read about Buddhism makes me think that on a practice and study level we have a lot of overlap, whereas theologically we are quite different. It is fascinating!
And in terms of the idea of constantly practicing and yet continuing to struggle, this is one of my sources of comfort when I go down the rabbit hole of "you aren't good enough, you're failing," etc etc. There is a beautiful teaching that God would not replace us with angels because he values our struggle and our striving, even as we are fallible, that he created us to be fallible. The catch is to continue to strive and not take that as a cop-out.
For me, "love" is synonymous with "safety," so it's been incredibly difficult not to chase one in pursuit of the other until very recently (it's still hard lol). Therapy has helped me start to nurture those feelings in myself, by giving me just enough mental and emotional wiggle room to recognize how capable I actually am vs how capable I perceive myself to be, and reinforcing those ideas thru practice and experience. Eventually (hopefully) my perception will match my experience(s).
I have to say that I am very tired today and I may get things wrong. But while reading your essay I suddenly realized: You have to choose the people carefully from whom you seek validation. You can't be a people pleaser but you can please the lot of people who love you.
I appreciate the honesty here, Noha, and yes, I struggle with similar issues. But I don't think it's quite equivalent, because I am part of the dominant culture in this country. To face overt racism and unfounded hatred and not want to defend yourself, your beliefs, and your heritage requires a level of self-restraint that is beyond most of us mere mortals. We were born with egos. Denying that is denying something innate, though I agree that for those who are able, it is liberating.
I spent so many years committed to organized religion and the adjacent judgement of self and others. There was never a time when I felt good enough. Now, I try to acknowledge my flaws and weaknesses and reflect a more accepting disposition back into the world, not to excuse those I feel are causing intentional harm, but to keep myself from dwelling on what I'm powerless to change.
It is definitely difficult and I am definitely failing but I think I'm still supposed to keep striving. The dichotomy of "this is so hard" and "I still need to try" is where the difficulty is for me, and where I often fall apart. I think the framework you're using to acknowledge harm is a good one. And to also recognize our own shortcomings. It's hard! But it's the work we have to do if we want to strive for improvement and change.
I totally agree, Noha. The only part that I feel unwilling to accept is when motivation comes from a sense of guilt rather than one of potential.
Thanks Noha. Throughout my life, into my 50s, I tried to please my father, always failing, until I woke up and realised it was not possible for me.
I was always being the best person I could be.
Humanity comes before all else for me Noha, and any businessman, spokesperson, politician, or commentor on this page who cannot view ALL men as equals, has a problem, either ignorance or some form of absurd belief about "others."
I still suffer from imposter syndrome, and am learning to ignore those thoughts and persevere.
I, like you, find myself triggered by the drivel I hear and read. Unlike you, a cannot guarantee to hold my own counsel.
I have witnessed the capacity of the peoples of Palestine and Lebanon to accept, pray, and above all EXIST. When existence is resistance.
The most vivid example of this was the recording by the Red Crescent Paramedic, Rifaat Radwan, who was one of fifteen rescue workers murdered by the IDF on 23rd March 2025. Rifaat recorded the convoy of ambulances and a fire truck entering the area with lights flashing and sirens blaring. 8 paramedics, 6 civil defence workers and one UN staff member were murdered. Rifaat is heard saying sorry to his mother, he chose this way of life(paramedic) to help people, and then prays to Allah.
His words and his calmness in his last moments have stuck with me. I care Noha, and it feels futile and hopeless, and along come these words from Riffat Radwan, and I think, "how dare I."
Ted, this reminder of the Red Crescent Paramedics and Rifaat Radwan's video specifically took my breath away. That video, his words in the video, absolutely broke me, both because of the moral injury of witnessing it all and beause of the dignity he had and the clarity he had at that moment, knowing he was about to die, and yet instead of panicking, he takes a moment to apologize to his mother and to say his prayers.
Chasing your father's validation, and then realizing it was never going to happen, is both heartbreaking and also so freeing. Some parents insist on keeping too much control over their kids, even as they become adults, and refuse to relinquish that and when that happens the only thing you can really do is stop playing that game, stop seeking their validation, be yourself and hold yourself to your own standards. You do not owe it to them to live exactly as they did or as they expect you to.
I suspect we all chase external validation to one degree or another. But I think now that I'm here in my early 60s, I care less about than ever before.
As for how Muslims treat each other and others, the Muslims in Sarajevo, many of them who went through the war that tore their country apart, remain some of the kindest, most openhearted people -- even toward those who don't do the same in return.
I definitely care way less now than I did at any time in the past, and that's the continuation of a change that started in my late 30s and early 40s. I think maybe what shocked me so much this time is that I had convinced myself I didn't care anymore and then this essay came and walloped me! I'm disappointed in myself for caring, especially when it's someone who's been clear about his hate for Muslims for years/decades. Maybe what hit me isn't his words, but the adulation and acceptance they received.
Sarajevo... I think about that and about how they remained incredibly kind hearted and loving and open. I'm not sure I would have been able to do the same. Their hearts are very pure, to manage that.
True Michael. I witnessed this when we visited Bosnia . Incredibly forgiving and merciful people.
Which made our subsequent visit to Sebia so…well, let’s just say, I didn’t like it nearly as much.
☹️
Please don’t be hard on yourself that you were “walloped” by this. It’s woven into our dna that we need belonging and this hit you also on an ancestral level. There’s also the gaslighting nature of him pretending to only hate some Muslims. It’s all very harmful and infuriating.
Sometimes, I think I am doing some sort of opposition research by skimming pieces which aim at liberalism, but reek of anti-Blackness in legacy media and popular social media. Don't be blindsided by what might be coming, I tell myself.
It is one thing to take note and move on, but the stench from some writers clings to the clothes for days. It's good to remind yourself that the loudest voices are not always the essential ones. This essay makes this point with clarity.
Elizabeth, you have captured it so well! I tell myself I'm just reading it to be informed but it sticks to me and it stinks!
First this is a spectacular piece. I'm not Muslim so I don't feel qualified to talk about that. I will say that I believe that all humans strive for external validation. We all want to be loved, we all wish to be happy, we all wish for an end to suffering. I am also like a previous commenter a Buddhist. Frequently after many years of practice and study I will feel like why have I understood so little, why do I have such difficulty practicing. We cling to self identity. When we go deeply into examining our "selves" we find that we are more complex than we frequently believe. Those thoughts of self and others, those thoughts of not good enough, those thoughts of fear, shame, anger. They are also transient and impermanent. We forget frequently the times that we selflessly risked for others, where we willingly gave up something pleasant so that others could share. We forget the many beautiful things we have done as humans even to others that have hurt us, who disdain us. The fear teaches us courage, the shame teaches us to strive for a moral center, the anger that we have forgotten that those who anger us want also to be safe, happy, and secure. We have a choice to offer compassion , kindness. We can be happy at others happiness. And we can choose to not pick and choose who is worthy. Thank you for the reminder. I wish you comfort and security.
Aaah the amount of wrangling we have to do with our "selves"! I really do think it is the main work of our lives, if we can see it that way.
I also love how you describe all the good things we learn from all the difficulties (Fear, Shame) etc. It's hard to remember that.
Islam is such a beautiful religion. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian environment, and I've always felt deeper heart and soul resonance with the teachings of Islam, which I have been blessed to receive.
I think sometimes we read things we know have the potential to harm us (opinion pieces, comments, etc.) because we're hopeful that one day when we look, we will see that the change we've been praying for is now in action.
Sometimes it's hard waiting for that peace to arrive. Sometimes the weight feels like torture, especially when we know vulnerable people, vulnerable children, the animals and the environment are suffering so deeply.
I think you may have figured it out! There's always this little hope that maybe this time is the beginning of the change. Humans are so impatient and so short-sighted! I've heard sermons on patience that remind us that we might fight for justice on an issue for our whole life but never see the change, and then someone else picks up the mantle and three lifetimes later, the thing we've been working for is finally resolved. This is why we're told in our tradition that we're held to account for our efforts but not for the results. It's a simple concept but so so hard to actually internalize and act on.
Thank you for sharing the nature of sermons on patience, Noha, it means so much to me. I will take it to heart - the world is heavy and this teaching is critical.
Thank you for this, Noha, and for all your pieces. Your humanity shines through so brightly and achingly here. I think this is what we are here for, to meet these questions and sometimes struggle with them. I trip and fall over and over, and I think of a teacher who shared about the “through line” - continuing to try, no matter how many times we maybe haven’t done what we wanted, how we wanted. Andddd, again I see you being so human. Reading the awful thing (and it sounds awful), getting angry, feeling your heart. I see you. As a long-recovering chaser of validation, I love how you ended this: “Essentially, to stop caring because I want to be liked, and to care instead for the sake of justice and equality. It’s a fine line, but a critical one.”
Yes! And I think loving justice is where the rage comes from. And the wanting to be liked is wired into us, so the practice of shifting that towards collective care is noble and aspirational, and difficult, so it’s really great to go together and know we are not alone in it. You are not alone!
"Loving justice is where the rage comes from" is a helpful framing. I often feel like I'm losing my mind with these ideas and I read your comments and feel so seen and like "ok, I'm not crazy!"
But the validation-chasing sucks. I'm cooling off as the week continues. There is so much we cannot control, and knowing that it wouldn't matter what I said or did, what evidence I brought, some people will never like me, I have to make my peace with that.
I hear you! So glad you feel seen. And I am grateful for this nugget: “knowing that it wouldn’t matter what I said or did, what evidence I brought, some people will never like me.” Or will stop liking me, if they did. Ohhh, yes. Making peace with that is the struggle, and also the seed of liberation. People are so different, and it is truly hrs to understand, and sometimes we never will. That is also so hard, but so much a part of this Earth journey. Thanks for this, Noha. With you in it.
Dear Noha
I think we all "chase external validation" - at least to a degree. It is a human thing. After some genuine external "success" as a poet - publication and awards - I spent the next 22 years NOT publishing my own work and not submitting it elsewhere for publication, in part because I felt that the lure of external validation collided with how I wanted to write.
Now I am self-publishing here on Substack, and the external validation can be pleasant but I set my own boundaries around that and I write what I want to write.
My concern over external validation is perhaps different to your own. I do not have a believe in "God" as such.
I do, however, have a concern for truth and honesty - which would be our common ground here, along with our common humanity. I deeply admire your strength in reading some of the worst things written about your faith. I admit, I find that almost impossible most of the time. I feel tainted by it, and so saddened at the reminder of the ignorance and fear which lies behind most hate.
I make myself read the news, and witness it on screen. I do what I can to bridge misunderstanding and gulfs of ignorance - and to speak truth as I see it. What disturbs me even more is the fact that there are some highly intelligent people who promote fear and spread ignorance and untruth, knowingly and cynically, in order to build and maintain power and control. There is always the hope that genuine ignorance can be remedied. Malicious manipulation is much harder.
The clarity and honesty of your writing - and that of others - is more essential than ever.
Best Wishes - Dave
David, I fully agree with your take about cynical people who intentionally promote hate and fear for their own interest.
I also admire the fact you walked away from it all for 22 years to stay authentic. That's a big deal! I've definitely spent years offline when it comes to my writing, but that had more to do with being burnt out and having little to say during that time than it did with an intentional choice to keep my work private. On a much smaller scale, I did decide to roll back my writing here so that I could work on slower, longer term projects that don't give me instant gratification in the form of comments and likes. It was a shift in where I find meaning and delaying the dopamine hits.
Hi Noha
Mmm yes. That balance of short form and long form - immediate response and delayed publication (possibly never) is difficult.
I have now published here weekly for 22 months. , but that is partly a process of preparing myself for something longer.
Good luck with your own longer term projects 🌸
Best Wishes - Dave
Thank you for this thoughtful essay @Noha Beshir! I have moments of strength like that, and I can only pray to Allah SW that they get more frequent and recurrent until one day that becomes my permanent hal! That would be nice :) I am far from that still.
May that dua be granted, Janan. Your comment really moved me, so much so that I had to sit with it for several days. I repeat that verse so often "Qul lan yuseebana illa ma kataba Allahu lana" and yet I don't internalize it. IsA I am motivated to strengthen my relationship to the Creator and less consumed with seeking the love of his creation.
❤️ another good one to remember: “They will not harm you save a trifling.” I repeat that to myself a lot. Lan yudurrukum ila adha.
It’s adha
Those essays are adha
Those people are adha
Their smears are adha
It’s such an apt word!
Trifling adha compared to the hefty treasure that is Islam.
Oh man, that verse sits with me and I really really struggle with it. The essays, smears and insults are definitely only adha, but I think my struggle comes to the persecution the Prophet (pbuh) endured, and what's happening in Gaza and Lebanon for example. It's hard for me to process those as adha! When they're literally torture and murder. Maybe this is an indication of my heart being too tied to dunya. Maybe it's an indication that I misunderstand the aya. I'm not sure which?
Thank you for this painfully honest piece of writing, Noha. It makes me think we are all such human works in progress.
My guess is that even Janan Delgado, even with that beautiful comment, might struggle with this too. I know I certainly do, even with years of Buddhist practice and study, where the guidance is very similar to what you describe in Islam. While there may not be a God or Allah or deity in Buddhism, we are encouraged to practice faith and trust in the awakened nature of all beings, to trust the truth of interdependence, to wish for the end of suffering for all beings including those who have committed the most heinous and hate-filled of acts. It's a tall order to live up to, perhaps impossible. But we keep practicing.
Everything that I've read about Buddhism makes me think that on a practice and study level we have a lot of overlap, whereas theologically we are quite different. It is fascinating!
And in terms of the idea of constantly practicing and yet continuing to struggle, this is one of my sources of comfort when I go down the rabbit hole of "you aren't good enough, you're failing," etc etc. There is a beautiful teaching that God would not replace us with angels because he values our struggle and our striving, even as we are fallible, that he created us to be fallible. The catch is to continue to strive and not take that as a cop-out.
For me, "love" is synonymous with "safety," so it's been incredibly difficult not to chase one in pursuit of the other until very recently (it's still hard lol). Therapy has helped me start to nurture those feelings in myself, by giving me just enough mental and emotional wiggle room to recognize how capable I actually am vs how capable I perceive myself to be, and reinforcing those ideas thru practice and experience. Eventually (hopefully) my perception will match my experience(s).
I have to say that I am very tired today and I may get things wrong. But while reading your essay I suddenly realized: You have to choose the people carefully from whom you seek validation. You can't be a people pleaser but you can please the lot of people who love you.
All of us here (Muslims included) thank God 🙏 that President Trump has removed the nuclear threat in the Middle East