COVID Thoughts 1: After Midnight

After midnight my mind is a hive of thoughts buzzing with recipes for tomorrow roasted chickpeas / tomato soup / pad thai / mediterannean chicken with planting and gardening plans potting soil vs top soil vs compost how to propagate cilantro how to grow green onions in water (do these plants need sun, like me, or will too much kill them?) with workout possibilities

After midnight the only way to shut it off is to pick up the phone and scroll until my eyes are desperate to close and  my fingers lose their grip

My theory is this: my mind is suffering from lack of physical stimulation from seeing the same square kilometre over and over too smart to be tricked by the phone screen and the computer screen and the tv screen (none of these are real - I can’t reach in and be there)

So instead I plot and plan and imagine through my sleeping hours using that little time that was meant for rest

In the morning I’m exhausted before I even leave the bed before I even open my eyes. In the morning the list of chores is so much more basic than my midnight plans: coffee, log in, print school assignments, compose emails, load the dishwasher, teach the arabic, the math, the science, the english, the french, mediate the fight send them out to the back for “recess” (yes you have to wear your jacket no it’s not warm enough for just a sweater) call them back in hug and wipe away the tears start the laundry heat the dinner send the files answer the question answer the question answer the question 

And then it’s night again and my eyes are wide open and my brain Iis both over and under stimulated and my body cannot settle and I’m back to an imagined recipe and a workout and a garden that doesn’t exist outside of my head.