What if, One day

unfinished letter #1

This is unfinished letter #1, where I delve deeper into the stuff that scares me. A gentle note that there is a paywall below. To read the whole essay, become a paid subscriber.

They say the specific details become seared into your memory, but that’s not how it went down for me. I don’t remember what I was doing. I don’t remember what time of day it was. In fact, I had to look up the date of the attack when I started to write this, because the details are all a wash.

What I remember is the panic that started in my stomach. A knot of heat, and then a loosening so sudden I was made of jelly. The panic rising up my torso until it was firmly lodged in my throat. My fingers, shaking as they found my sister’s number on my phone and hit dial.