The "fighting over the bill" part - literally just got treated to dinner over the weekend by two sweet Arab men who were friends of a friend. THEY had been the ones doing my friend a favor and dinner was supposed to be their reward, but they sneakily paid at the register immediately after we all ordered and I had zero clue till the end of the night! I don't think I've ever experienced such a lightning-fast, stealth bill pay like that. They also INSISTED on going far out of their way to drive me home despite my many attempts to tell them I'd be fine on the bus. Said they'd get mad otherwise 😂 Truly some of the kindest, most caring, considerate, gracious, and generous people ever - and not to mention respectful, intelligent, interesting, and fun! They deserve ALL the blessings.
This is all so recognizable lol. The amount whole stealth payments at the register is a common occurrence over here - once you're aware of it, you become super suspicious of every time someone steps away from the table to "go to the washroom", "take a call" etc etc.
The whole "they'd get mad after" is SO common lol. I hope your new friends get all the things. They sound amazing.
Yes!! I love the whole "we will become extremely angry if you do not let us do this absurdly generous thing for you" argument 😂 like you said, I will definitely have to keep a closer eye on who is getting up from the table from now on 👀 lesson learned, lol. Thank you for speaking to this because it's truly so important (and timely with my recent experience)! Much blessings to you too ❤️
As someone married to an Arab/Muslim woman, I too am tired of the stereotype. One of the first things my mother (who is not Arab), asked my wife was why the men in her country were so angry.
The wife smiled and laughed, too nice and too surprised to reply. Needless to say, mom and I had a long conversation afterwards.
Oh Alexander, that must have been so painful for both you and your wife. Kudos to you for talking to your mother about it after and explaining why she couldn't keep saying those things. I hope things have moved forward.
“Watch and laugh, my friends. Joy and laughter is resistance too.”
- I love these two lines here. I want to watch them all
But the baby is sleep. But tomorrow I will. This makes me think about our conversation about people pleasing/ especially the bit about the bills. Initially I thought people pleasing was particular to you. Does it feel cultural?
Oh man, Marc!! I had not considered it that way but now that you mention it, yes! Hospitality is over the top ridiculous in Arab culture. Same with generosity. And there’s an expectation and a valuing of people basically burning themselves out to the point of exhaustion to be good hosts. It is a bit crazy.
I think there’s a happy medium between that and the very transactional nature of Western society as I recognize it.
Mikhal I think I may have inadvertently caused a problem by showing my kids these videos because the younger one is now thinking, "hmmmm, shawarma on ketchup. Never thought of that" 😅😅
Hahaaaa I was always so lost because honestly I never saw the shibshib brandished in either of my parents' hands as a "weapon" but once I realized what was going on, I loved it.
My Lai Ma (nanny) does not need to fight over the bill; she commands and all shall bow, the waiter/waitress will immediately hand it to her. XD but that said, the rest of us lesser humans will fight over it. I don't know that many Arabs, but I really would love to hear a mother utter the word "habibi", it's so sweet!
I knew more Arabs in real life when I lived in the UK. I miss my friends. I took a couple of Arabic lessons from one of the women I knew, but we lived too far from each other for me to really make any headway with it, alas. I love the sound, though. We were camping a couple of weeks ago, and an Arabic-speaking family had the site next to us. I fell asleep listening to the husband on a long (no doubt international) call. I dare say the context of the call was not soothing for him, given...everything. But the sound of that language was very soothing to me.
Awwww, Jenn, that’s actually music to my ears to hear you say you find it soothing. So many people tell me they find Arabic scary sounding. Mostly I think because Arabs are portrayed as scary people by the mainstream, but also because we are - ahem - animated in our speech. That animatedness gets perceived as anger but it’s really just a lot of emotion. I wish more people understood Arabic…
I wish that, too. I do think hearing animation in any language that one doesn't know, and then especially when that language is coupled with perpetuated negative cultural always does make it sound scary. I'm grateful for life experiences that enabled me to get beyond or behind those--and for the people who allowed me in.
I am CRYING over the shibshib video (so many cultures have this slipper-as-mama's-weapon trope). I had to show the boys every single video. Oh my goodness, thank you so much, Noha.
I literally follow my kids around now and do the finger - eye motion and say "I see you habibi" over and over... they've never been touched with a slipper lol.. Our whole slipper dynamic is that I sit down at the couch or dinner table and they immediately try to steal my slippers, which are very comfy...
I do know Arabs in my real life, both as good friends and as just people I see often (I live next to the largest Arab neighborhood in Germany). I love going to the food places in this neighborhood both because the food is excellent, and because they just tend to be quite generous and work with me through my bad German communication! At one of the places my husband and I go regularly, they treated me like a kid who didn't know what was going on for a long time (bringing my food to me in case I didn't understand the number they were calling), and it was much appreciated! Happy to say my German must've improved because I've now graduated to being able to pick up my food by myself. As far as YouTube rabbit holes- all the time! Lately, it's been rabbit holes criticizing the lack of class/financial awareness in Gilmore Girls
Laney I love this lol! I'm often clueless if I'm buying food from a culture where I'm not familiar with the food and nothing makes me happier than pictures of the item on the menu so I can figure it out...
Gilmore Girls - I was OBSESSED with that show many years ago. I'm not sure if I watched it now how much it would hold up but I still have a very soft spot for it overall. Please do paste the links for your Gilmore Girls Youtube rabbit holes. I'd love to watch.
It’s very nice! I’ve lived in Germany for a couple of years and am often quite ashamed of my still quite bad and minimal German- they are very nice and kind to me about it!
It’s a tough language! I’m finally going to get a chance to take some intensive classes, so I’m looking forward to impressing them at one of my usual food places one day lol
LOL!! So good! Thank you for the sharing the videos. The shibshib was a thing in our (Chinese) home as well. Mom wielded hers whenever my brother or I were being naughty. I thought it was only our family that feared slippers. 😂
‘I brotec za culture’ 😂 😂 love this, Noha. You’ve inspired me to write another article on being Arab.
I felt like Ramy Yussef’s show, atleast the first seasons, made this Syrian-American feel at home in a very unique way. If you have any other recommendations, let me know!
Aaaah, Nur! Please point me to your first piece on being Arab - I'd love to read it.
Ramy Youssef's show was crazy!! There were parts that were so relatable and I felt the same way but he also leans into the cringe like no one else 😅😅
There's also Mo Amer's show on Netflix - have you seen it?
Somehow I'm drawing a blank right now but if I think of anything else, I'll definitely share.
Oh and if you're looking for relatable even if it's not comedy, and you're up for reading, I'm obsessed with the book, "Son of Elsewhere" by Elamin Abdelmahmoud, and I recommend it to everyone I know.
Noha! It looks like you need to be in a writers’ room. Is there a pilot for the next Arab and the diaspora Netflix series in the making?😉 I’ll join you if there’s a Cuban family next door.
This is hilarious because I literally have told my friends that my dream job is to be a writer for a sketch comedy show or a sitcom about Arab / diaspora stories.
I've also joked that my very corporate job needs a poet laureate/artist in resident to make the annoyances of work more palatable. Sadly, my work place doesn't want to pay me to make sketches and write funny poems about our most diva-ish clients... I wonder why 😂😂😂
The "fighting over the bill" part - literally just got treated to dinner over the weekend by two sweet Arab men who were friends of a friend. THEY had been the ones doing my friend a favor and dinner was supposed to be their reward, but they sneakily paid at the register immediately after we all ordered and I had zero clue till the end of the night! I don't think I've ever experienced such a lightning-fast, stealth bill pay like that. They also INSISTED on going far out of their way to drive me home despite my many attempts to tell them I'd be fine on the bus. Said they'd get mad otherwise 😂 Truly some of the kindest, most caring, considerate, gracious, and generous people ever - and not to mention respectful, intelligent, interesting, and fun! They deserve ALL the blessings.
This is all so recognizable lol. The amount whole stealth payments at the register is a common occurrence over here - once you're aware of it, you become super suspicious of every time someone steps away from the table to "go to the washroom", "take a call" etc etc.
The whole "they'd get mad after" is SO common lol. I hope your new friends get all the things. They sound amazing.
Yes!! I love the whole "we will become extremely angry if you do not let us do this absurdly generous thing for you" argument 😂 like you said, I will definitely have to keep a closer eye on who is getting up from the table from now on 👀 lesson learned, lol. Thank you for speaking to this because it's truly so important (and timely with my recent experience)! Much blessings to you too ❤️
Hahah. "Sit down and eat your food!" That Love Anger.
Did you hear the "3abeet!" at the end? 😂😂😂
My sisters and I send each other messages that just say "3abeet!" now.
As someone married to an Arab/Muslim woman, I too am tired of the stereotype. One of the first things my mother (who is not Arab), asked my wife was why the men in her country were so angry.
The wife smiled and laughed, too nice and too surprised to reply. Needless to say, mom and I had a long conversation afterwards.
Oh Alexander, that must have been so painful for both you and your wife. Kudos to you for talking to your mother about it after and explaining why she couldn't keep saying those things. I hope things have moved forward.
They have. At this point, my mom loves her more than she loves me 😂
Hahahaaaaaaaa that’s good I guess 😂😂
“Watch and laugh, my friends. Joy and laughter is resistance too.”
- I love these two lines here. I want to watch them all
But the baby is sleep. But tomorrow I will. This makes me think about our conversation about people pleasing/ especially the bit about the bills. Initially I thought people pleasing was particular to you. Does it feel cultural?
Oh man, Marc!! I had not considered it that way but now that you mention it, yes! Hospitality is over the top ridiculous in Arab culture. Same with generosity. And there’s an expectation and a valuing of people basically burning themselves out to the point of exhaustion to be good hosts. It is a bit crazy.
I think there’s a happy medium between that and the very transactional nature of Western society as I recognize it.
Yes yes to more of this! And ketchup on shawarma should be illegal lol
Mikhal I think I may have inadvertently caused a problem by showing my kids these videos because the younger one is now thinking, "hmmmm, shawarma on ketchup. Never thought of that" 😅😅
Lol nooooo
I am my own worst enemy 😭😭
Girl, same.
What kind of monsters would do such a thing? 😭 I love shawarma and would have never thought ketchup on it was a thing!
terrible, just terrible haha
I love this so much- we need more of this content 😌
Thanks, Ruth!
Ahh the shibshib, aka chappal in South Asia. Glad to know it’s a universal experience for kids to fear slippers 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaaaa I was always so lost because honestly I never saw the shibshib brandished in either of my parents' hands as a "weapon" but once I realized what was going on, I loved it.
My Lai Ma (nanny) does not need to fight over the bill; she commands and all shall bow, the waiter/waitress will immediately hand it to her. XD but that said, the rest of us lesser humans will fight over it. I don't know that many Arabs, but I really would love to hear a mother utter the word "habibi", it's so sweet!
Oh Rachel, that's hilarious! Your Lai Ma sounds like the perfect matriarch lol.
I probably say habibi about 200 times a day..
Maybe someday I'll hear it from you ;)
I knew more Arabs in real life when I lived in the UK. I miss my friends. I took a couple of Arabic lessons from one of the women I knew, but we lived too far from each other for me to really make any headway with it, alas. I love the sound, though. We were camping a couple of weeks ago, and an Arabic-speaking family had the site next to us. I fell asleep listening to the husband on a long (no doubt international) call. I dare say the context of the call was not soothing for him, given...everything. But the sound of that language was very soothing to me.
Awwww, Jenn, that’s actually music to my ears to hear you say you find it soothing. So many people tell me they find Arabic scary sounding. Mostly I think because Arabs are portrayed as scary people by the mainstream, but also because we are - ahem - animated in our speech. That animatedness gets perceived as anger but it’s really just a lot of emotion. I wish more people understood Arabic…
I wish that, too. I do think hearing animation in any language that one doesn't know, and then especially when that language is coupled with perpetuated negative cultural always does make it sound scary. I'm grateful for life experiences that enabled me to get beyond or behind those--and for the people who allowed me in.
I am CRYING over the shibshib video (so many cultures have this slipper-as-mama's-weapon trope). I had to show the boys every single video. Oh my goodness, thank you so much, Noha.
I literally follow my kids around now and do the finger - eye motion and say "I see you habibi" over and over... they've never been touched with a slipper lol.. Our whole slipper dynamic is that I sit down at the couch or dinner table and they immediately try to steal my slippers, which are very comfy...
I do know Arabs in my real life, both as good friends and as just people I see often (I live next to the largest Arab neighborhood in Germany). I love going to the food places in this neighborhood both because the food is excellent, and because they just tend to be quite generous and work with me through my bad German communication! At one of the places my husband and I go regularly, they treated me like a kid who didn't know what was going on for a long time (bringing my food to me in case I didn't understand the number they were calling), and it was much appreciated! Happy to say my German must've improved because I've now graduated to being able to pick up my food by myself. As far as YouTube rabbit holes- all the time! Lately, it's been rabbit holes criticizing the lack of class/financial awareness in Gilmore Girls
Laney I love this lol! I'm often clueless if I'm buying food from a culture where I'm not familiar with the food and nothing makes me happier than pictures of the item on the menu so I can figure it out...
Gilmore Girls - I was OBSESSED with that show many years ago. I'm not sure if I watched it now how much it would hold up but I still have a very soft spot for it overall. Please do paste the links for your Gilmore Girls Youtube rabbit holes. I'd love to watch.
It’s very nice! I’ve lived in Germany for a couple of years and am often quite ashamed of my still quite bad and minimal German- they are very nice and kind to me about it!
My two older sisters took German in high school and spoke quite a bit. I know some super basic German but it is absolutely minimal.
It’s a tough language! I’m finally going to get a chance to take some intensive classes, so I’m looking forward to impressing them at one of my usual food places one day lol
And yes to the pictures! When I asked for something, they always point to the picture for me to confirm they understood what I was saying
And here’s a couple of YouTube links! This is from the same channel, but two different creators- I really like them both!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EUQzUj8OPeA&pp=ygUcZ2lsbW9yZSBnaXJscyBmaW5hbmNpYWwgZGlldA%3D%3D
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gFSUcQToZmQ&pp=ygUcZ2lsbW9yZSBnaXJscyBmaW5hbmNpYWwgZGlldA%3D%3D
Love the Shawarma man videos! Our best friends are Arabs and the arguing over the bill is real! 😂
It so is lol! Check Clarice's comment in this thread - she linked a HILARIOUS video about Arabs vs. English people with the bill... I died laughing...
Oh my gosh. Hilarious! I had to send it to my friends and thank them for letting us split the bill sometimes!
LOL!! So good! Thank you for the sharing the videos. The shibshib was a thing in our (Chinese) home as well. Mom wielded hers whenever my brother or I were being naughty. I thought it was only our family that feared slippers. 😂
OMG Lily immigrant kids unite 😂😂😂
but in all seriousness I never actually met my mom's shibshib and only learned about this after I grew up. Still. It super cracks me up.
‘I brotec za culture’ 😂 😂 love this, Noha. You’ve inspired me to write another article on being Arab.
I felt like Ramy Yussef’s show, atleast the first seasons, made this Syrian-American feel at home in a very unique way. If you have any other recommendations, let me know!
Aaaah, Nur! Please point me to your first piece on being Arab - I'd love to read it.
Ramy Youssef's show was crazy!! There were parts that were so relatable and I felt the same way but he also leans into the cringe like no one else 😅😅
There's also Mo Amer's show on Netflix - have you seen it?
Somehow I'm drawing a blank right now but if I think of anything else, I'll definitely share.
Oh and if you're looking for relatable even if it's not comedy, and you're up for reading, I'm obsessed with the book, "Son of Elsewhere" by Elamin Abdelmahmoud, and I recommend it to everyone I know.
Oh I did see Mo’s show!! I almost forgot about that. Another great one. I’ll definitely take a look at that book. It looks right up my alley.
This is something I wrote four years ago. There’s a bit I’d change now but here it is in its raw glory :) :
https://open.substack.com/pub/nurnadar/p/a-chance-for-hope?r=2bdbe4&utm_medium=ios
Really excited to read this! Thank you for sharing and I totally don’t care if it’s old… we gotta own our stuff.
Thanks Noha. It’s about negative experiences as an Arab and I look forward to writing something that celebrates our culture :) cheers
Thanks. Very funny
😊😊😊🙏🏽
Noha! It looks like you need to be in a writers’ room. Is there a pilot for the next Arab and the diaspora Netflix series in the making?😉 I’ll join you if there’s a Cuban family next door.
This is hilarious because I literally have told my friends that my dream job is to be a writer for a sketch comedy show or a sitcom about Arab / diaspora stories.
I've also joked that my very corporate job needs a poet laureate/artist in resident to make the annoyances of work more palatable. Sadly, my work place doesn't want to pay me to make sketches and write funny poems about our most diva-ish clients... I wonder why 😂😂😂
They are losing out!
You are not only my sister in Islam but also in writing. 🫶🏼
My talents are wasted on preparation of dry IT analysis documents.
Awwww, you are mine too... much love habibty...