I was very lucky in my timing. I became a huge Islanders fan in 1975. They couldn't get past that great Habs team you mentioned. Lost one year to the Leafs in Game 7, OT (I was there for the heartbreak), then lost to the hated Rangers, before their great streak began.
I was a huge Clark Gillies fan, but really liked the entire team. I understand your dad's position. it took me quite a while to get back into Islander fandom. But I'm back.
I always felt that Habs fans were the most sophisticated in their hockey knowledge.
Habs fans are really sophisticated in their knowledge for sure, but it also can make them real jerks to the players, who really are only human. The more I've gotten into mental health (and struggled with my own issues) the more I came to realize that there's a toxic fan attitude where players are supposed to be above any criticism because they make millions. I wouldn't wish that level of visibility or pressure on my worst enemy.
I kind of hated the rangers too, but because they beat the Canucks in 94, who beat my Leafs (at the time I started off as a Leafs fan, the story of how I became a Habs fan, we'll save for another day), I decided to forgive the Rangers. And the fact Mark Messier won with two teams was pretty cool.
Hahaa! I'm glad. I'll still casually watch now and then, but it's not a key part of who I am anymore, which feels strange sometimes since people expect it of me.
That was such an insightful and complex read! It was full of elements on how kids with immigrants parents build their identity. I could relate to your story when I thought about my days as a tour guide in an old XVth century castle near Paris. For more context, I've always been a History nerd because of my dad who made me as passionate about it as he was. Foreigners couldn't care less about a young Black French girl telling French history. Meanwhile French tourists couldn't believe it, and expressed it in various ways. One woman could believe I was French-Cameroonian because I knew French History 'so well', so she insisted I must be from the Caribbean; a French count came with his niece who asked 'how come I spoke French so well,' meanwhile the count who was right wing was fascinated I could hold a conversation with him about French reknowned writers from the 20's and 30 's who were right wing. Both these people were fascinated by me, but it was because I embodied in their eyes the Good Immigrant's Child, not realising that I could hold my game with them because I was French AND Cameroonian. People always likes to see one side of our identity when it is more comolex than that. When we appear to like something that they consider deeply-rooted in the 'Occidental' identity we become almost a rare find, extraordinary.
Emmannuelle, I relate to this sooooooooooooo deeply. I truly did love hockey, it wasn't a fake connection at all, but I also definitely saw that being this "good Canadian hockey fan" made me part of that Occidental identity, as you call it. Ever heard of that expression, "as American as baseball and apple pie"? I think there should be another one that says "As Canadian as hockey and Tim Hortons coffee."
I used to call my best friend in high school (pre-cell phones) on her family's landline, and if her dad picked up the phone, he and I would talk hockey for 15 minutes before he passed her the phone...
I feel like foreigners didn't care that you knew the history because they understand that, especially if they came from colonized countries themselves!
I appreciate learning your origin story! I loved hockey growing up in Connecticut until the Hartford Whalers left in 1997. Then I sort of gravitated towards the Bruins when I lived in Boston.
😂 I'm in Connecticut. Every time the NHL considers relocation or expansion there are always the news stories about them potentially relocating to Hartford. It never happens.
Quebec City is very much in the same boat. My uncle lived in Guilford, Connecticut for many years before retiring to Florida. I went to visit him there exactly one time, in the summer, but I’m led to believe it’s as outrageously cold there as it is in Ottawa, where I live, in the winter.
It's pretty cold down here but the breeze off the water makes it a little warmer by the shoreline. But I hate the winter so I think anything is too cold.
As an undiagnosed teen with autism I started to mask by super playing up my jokester side. I learned that if I was constantly silly, people would like me, whereas when I wasn't constantly silly they were put-off by me. I didn't know at the time that what was putting them off was that I didn't "read" right. Wasn't emoting the way they expected, wasn't making eye contact the way they expected, and this was causing them to be unnerved and to avoid me. Now that I know what the actual things are that used to put people off, I can mask in a much more natural manner by putting intentional thought into my body language as opposed to completely clowning out.
I'm glad you're wanting to be true to yourself! I know it feels really gross to be pretending so people will like and accept you.
That’s very interesting and something I had never considered. Do you feel bad masking now when you do it in a more natural manner?
I do feel better for sure. I wasn’t so much pretending as just over-inflating, but I do miss the hockey scene a bit for the familiarity and camaraderie of it, though not enough to go back and spend precious time on it...
Not really. I think of social skills as skills which come more naturally to other people than to me. I just have to work a little harder to develop them. Feels weird at first (when I really worked on the eye contact thing, I was counting in my head a lot during every interaction for years 😅) but becomes more reflexive with practice. And I don't want to be weirding people out! I want to be liked and accepted, and it's a relief I've figured out how to achieve that without acting like humor is the only interesting thing about me. I don't want my personality to be a one-note thing. Which feels like the sentiment you're sharing, despite the way different causes. ☺️
It's so true about fan criticism. I'm guilty of it all the time, yelling air a player on the screen for some supposedly lackluster effort that only one in a million could do and certainly not me!
At least you're doing it on the screen where he can't hear you! I think it must be worse now that fans can get online and write what they think of this or that athlete on a message board.
Sticking with sports, I will tell people that I am a Mets fan, which I am, but I don't let follow the hapless team. Too many disappoints over too many years. So if a baseball fan refers to the Mets or a Mets player, I'll just nod along pretending to know.
As for hockey, I've always been a NEW YORK Islanders fan. I love watching the sport, although i find it very tense during the playoffs.
I could tell you everything there is to know about the 1993 Toronto Maple Leafs, and then probably the 97-2017 Montreal Canadiens. My favourite Habs era was PK Subban, Carey Price and Max Pacioretty as the stars, with Alex Galchenyuk and Brendan Gallagher as the rookies. I also adored the Saku Koivu/Jose Theodore era. I missed the team's true heyday, when they won all their cups. My dad moved from Egypt in the 70's and saw THE team with Larry Robinson, Bob Gainey, Ken Dryden. He tried to watch the newer versions of the Habs with me, but they never lived up.
This was great. Short answer to your question is yes. As a Muslim convert, 20+ years now, I’ve gone through many phases, one of the earliest being the black hijab, dark clothing only, serious Muslim phase. 😅 Five years away from home (New Orleans) I am overcoming the need to always be identified by where I’m from and building connection with the place I live (Oakland/Bay Area).
I know I've gone through phases too, although some of them may be more of internal shifts. My sister lives in Sacramento but she lived in Santa Clara for years and we'd always visit the Bay Area when we went to see her. It's really beautiful, although I find the landscape scary for my anxiety about driving on hills/mountains.
Brilliant piece Noha, thank you for inspiring me! It's a great question for consideration. Ha, my origin story this piece was a piece about Adam and Hawwa.
Thank you so much, Sadia! I think we all probably have about 10 or 20 different "origin stories" depending on which aspect of our life we're talking about. That said, everyone's true origin story really is Adam and Hawwa lol
That was a really interesting story
I was very lucky in my timing. I became a huge Islanders fan in 1975. They couldn't get past that great Habs team you mentioned. Lost one year to the Leafs in Game 7, OT (I was there for the heartbreak), then lost to the hated Rangers, before their great streak began.
I was a huge Clark Gillies fan, but really liked the entire team. I understand your dad's position. it took me quite a while to get back into Islander fandom. But I'm back.
I always felt that Habs fans were the most sophisticated in their hockey knowledge.
Habs fans are really sophisticated in their knowledge for sure, but it also can make them real jerks to the players, who really are only human. The more I've gotten into mental health (and struggled with my own issues) the more I came to realize that there's a toxic fan attitude where players are supposed to be above any criticism because they make millions. I wouldn't wish that level of visibility or pressure on my worst enemy.
I kind of hated the rangers too, but because they beat the Canucks in 94, who beat my Leafs (at the time I started off as a Leafs fan, the story of how I became a Habs fan, we'll save for another day), I decided to forgive the Rangers. And the fact Mark Messier won with two teams was pretty cool.
Noha, your twitter feed inspired me to actually watch hockey -
Hahaa! I'm glad. I'll still casually watch now and then, but it's not a key part of who I am anymore, which feels strange sometimes since people expect it of me.
Hello Noah,
That was such an insightful and complex read! It was full of elements on how kids with immigrants parents build their identity. I could relate to your story when I thought about my days as a tour guide in an old XVth century castle near Paris. For more context, I've always been a History nerd because of my dad who made me as passionate about it as he was. Foreigners couldn't care less about a young Black French girl telling French history. Meanwhile French tourists couldn't believe it, and expressed it in various ways. One woman could believe I was French-Cameroonian because I knew French History 'so well', so she insisted I must be from the Caribbean; a French count came with his niece who asked 'how come I spoke French so well,' meanwhile the count who was right wing was fascinated I could hold a conversation with him about French reknowned writers from the 20's and 30 's who were right wing. Both these people were fascinated by me, but it was because I embodied in their eyes the Good Immigrant's Child, not realising that I could hold my game with them because I was French AND Cameroonian. People always likes to see one side of our identity when it is more comolex than that. When we appear to like something that they consider deeply-rooted in the 'Occidental' identity we become almost a rare find, extraordinary.
Emmannuelle, I relate to this sooooooooooooo deeply. I truly did love hockey, it wasn't a fake connection at all, but I also definitely saw that being this "good Canadian hockey fan" made me part of that Occidental identity, as you call it. Ever heard of that expression, "as American as baseball and apple pie"? I think there should be another one that says "As Canadian as hockey and Tim Hortons coffee."
I used to call my best friend in high school (pre-cell phones) on her family's landline, and if her dad picked up the phone, he and I would talk hockey for 15 minutes before he passed her the phone...
I feel like foreigners didn't care that you knew the history because they understand that, especially if they came from colonized countries themselves!
I appreciate learning your origin story! I loved hockey growing up in Connecticut until the Hartford Whalers left in 1997. Then I sort of gravitated towards the Bruins when I lived in Boston.
I adore the city of Boston but as a Habs fan I cannot abide the Bruins 😂😂
I figured when I mentioned the Bruins it would provoke mild annoyance, rage, or me being blocked and reported.
Hahaa I’m not that thin-skinned! Where are you located now?
😂 I'm in Connecticut. Every time the NHL considers relocation or expansion there are always the news stories about them potentially relocating to Hartford. It never happens.
Quebec City is very much in the same boat. My uncle lived in Guilford, Connecticut for many years before retiring to Florida. I went to visit him there exactly one time, in the summer, but I’m led to believe it’s as outrageously cold there as it is in Ottawa, where I live, in the winter.
It's pretty cold down here but the breeze off the water makes it a little warmer by the shoreline. But I hate the winter so I think anything is too cold.
As an undiagnosed teen with autism I started to mask by super playing up my jokester side. I learned that if I was constantly silly, people would like me, whereas when I wasn't constantly silly they were put-off by me. I didn't know at the time that what was putting them off was that I didn't "read" right. Wasn't emoting the way they expected, wasn't making eye contact the way they expected, and this was causing them to be unnerved and to avoid me. Now that I know what the actual things are that used to put people off, I can mask in a much more natural manner by putting intentional thought into my body language as opposed to completely clowning out.
I'm glad you're wanting to be true to yourself! I know it feels really gross to be pretending so people will like and accept you.
That’s very interesting and something I had never considered. Do you feel bad masking now when you do it in a more natural manner?
I do feel better for sure. I wasn’t so much pretending as just over-inflating, but I do miss the hockey scene a bit for the familiarity and camaraderie of it, though not enough to go back and spend precious time on it...
Not really. I think of social skills as skills which come more naturally to other people than to me. I just have to work a little harder to develop them. Feels weird at first (when I really worked on the eye contact thing, I was counting in my head a lot during every interaction for years 😅) but becomes more reflexive with practice. And I don't want to be weirding people out! I want to be liked and accepted, and it's a relief I've figured out how to achieve that without acting like humor is the only interesting thing about me. I don't want my personality to be a one-note thing. Which feels like the sentiment you're sharing, despite the way different causes. ☺️
That makes a lot of sense to me. So by learning certain techniques and skills you can reach others and still be you.
Right!
It's so true about fan criticism. I'm guilty of it all the time, yelling air a player on the screen for some supposedly lackluster effort that only one in a million could do and certainly not me!
At least you're doing it on the screen where he can't hear you! I think it must be worse now that fans can get online and write what they think of this or that athlete on a message board.
Sticking with sports, I will tell people that I am a Mets fan, which I am, but I don't let follow the hapless team. Too many disappoints over too many years. So if a baseball fan refers to the Mets or a Mets player, I'll just nod along pretending to know.
As for hockey, I've always been a NEW YORK Islanders fan. I love watching the sport, although i find it very tense during the playoffs.
I could tell you everything there is to know about the 1993 Toronto Maple Leafs, and then probably the 97-2017 Montreal Canadiens. My favourite Habs era was PK Subban, Carey Price and Max Pacioretty as the stars, with Alex Galchenyuk and Brendan Gallagher as the rookies. I also adored the Saku Koivu/Jose Theodore era. I missed the team's true heyday, when they won all their cups. My dad moved from Egypt in the 70's and saw THE team with Larry Robinson, Bob Gainey, Ken Dryden. He tried to watch the newer versions of the Habs with me, but they never lived up.
This was great. Short answer to your question is yes. As a Muslim convert, 20+ years now, I’ve gone through many phases, one of the earliest being the black hijab, dark clothing only, serious Muslim phase. 😅 Five years away from home (New Orleans) I am overcoming the need to always be identified by where I’m from and building connection with the place I live (Oakland/Bay Area).
I know I've gone through phases too, although some of them may be more of internal shifts. My sister lives in Sacramento but she lived in Santa Clara for years and we'd always visit the Bay Area when we went to see her. It's really beautiful, although I find the landscape scary for my anxiety about driving on hills/mountains.
The fear of the hills is real. I will never drive in San Francisco.
I am terrified of driving on hills, on bridges, on anything with a railing over which there is a drop.
Brilliant piece Noha, thank you for inspiring me! It's a great question for consideration. Ha, my origin story this piece was a piece about Adam and Hawwa.
Thank you so much, Sadia! I think we all probably have about 10 or 20 different "origin stories" depending on which aspect of our life we're talking about. That said, everyone's true origin story really is Adam and Hawwa lol