I don't have a big family, but I do have a groupchat like this with my close guy friends. This is definitely something I hope my partner and I can cultivate with the family we create.
I love that you have it with your guy friends - I think I've had some of my best "visits" in recent years in group chats. Amen to your plans, my friend. I am sure you will do it.
When I was younger, group chats felt overwhelming. Being just a little older now and away from a place I used to call home, I yearn for them. Everyone is so busy these days—sometimes even too busy to text. Appreciate the intimacy you have with your family.
Oh Marc, I feel that yearning. I never left home, but my family all left so I felt like I was a stranger for a while. I should clarify that I miss maybe half the messages or more on the group chat. I try to catch up in the morning or before bed, and sometimes I do but often I miss a bunch, especially the links and videos that aren't personal. Otherwise, it absolutely can be overwhelming.
That busy-ness is so intense and all-encompassing!
I pray that you get back to that closeness and find a new cadence with some of your friends who are still at "home".
Thank you Clarice! The group chat definitely helps to connect us in a way that would have been much harder if we didn't have an offhand way of just chatting about the day to day things.
Noha, I love this essay so much, first time reading it and I’ll be sure to reread it. This essay explains so much about you and your way of being in the world. My favorite line “the group chat is our love language.” Having a sister, let alone 3 other sisters, is such a beautiful thing. You are so blessed to have this kind of family mashallah. My mom is like my sister but definitely not my sister. 😂 My girlfriends, I talk to occasionally. Cousins, family etc. — I talk to mostly at Eid or holidays. I’m one of those people who take days to respond to a text and I am always forgetting to charge my phone, lol. Your strong bond is a gift and part of your risq. It’s incredible 💕💕 and inspiring. I hope my kids feels these ties of kinship one day 🤲🏼🤲🏼
Oh Sadia, thank you thank you for this comment. I agree completely that it’s part of my rizq, and I’m glad it explains my way of being (and possibly my addiction to my phone lol)… I’m acutely aware of what a blessing it is, and I hope the same for my boys…
LOVE this story so much! I could see this group chat turned into a beautiful book, giving a bit of backstory on your family members across the generations.
Our family group chat is so long and so active, I fret about accidentally deleting it, it’s a source of comfort and amusement to scroll through the years but I know it takes up a ton of my cloud storage!
Maya, last year I somehow lost several of my group chat history in a device transfer and I was devastated. Not all of them but enough that I got really sad. We've rebuilt lol.
This sounds so lovely! I have always envied people who have sisters. No group chats here, it sounds delightful though. I do remember how magical email seemed though as it became more ubiquitous. My parents were living in Kenya at the time and instead of cramped writing on every centimeter of an air mail letter they could just sit down and write something out. (Which usually fell to my dad, a man of few words, as they didn't have a computer in their home.)
Didn't email change everything? I remember feeling so freed on it. That I could spend as long as I wanted, typing and typing where on the phone every second counted and I couldn't just spin my yarns. I remember I even made up a character - this little frog that appeared in one sketch in the Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show - and I sent him on little adventures and wrote to my sister about it almost every day.
It wasn't even something that had to do with our lives, but it was the sort of joke I would make to her if she had been still with me at home, so it was the most comforting way to communicate with her.
When your dad sent emails, did he become a man of "more words" - I'm curious?
He became a man of a few more words. When I say he was a man of few words I mean REALLY few. Truthfully, my mother rarely gave him space to speak. When given a chance it was almost as if each time he'd have to find his voice anew. But in those brief emails I would get glimpses of the wry man with the dry sense of humor. They largely centered around observations from his daily life because he had a thirst for noticing things and a hunger for new experiences. (After they had both passed away, going through his papers I found a map from the time as a young man when he had a break from rebuilding homes in Germany to spend 2 weeks traveling through Israel, Palestine and Egypt. Every inch of the back of that map was crammed with his observations and a catalogue of what he did and saw. This is not something he had ever talked about. I knew he had been there, but that was the extent of it.) Truthfully, I enjoyed his letters much more than my mother's. Because "I got to eat zebra" is fundamentally a lot more interesting than hearing about some missions conference I didn't care about.
This was lovely. Their are so many microforces tearing us apart (they aren’t actually micro but the way they play on our nervous systems in group chat kind of is? Tiny reminders of the mountains of hurt between us, hurt that we’ve normalised and try to pretend isn’t there…)that such uninhibited flow of love is quite rare. It’s funny, because you’re just describing a family group chat, memes and all, but I feel like you’ve given us a visceral picture of what we are healing toward—which is a testament to how artfully you’ve woven this piece. Really beautiful piece, Noha. I think this one will stay with me for a long time.
Shaina this comment made my day! Your description of the way microforces play on our nervous system in a group chat is amazing. I am so grateful for my family and so fortunate to have them. I thank God for them every day because I know it's not a very common experience.
We are four brothers (similar age group) and no sister, so we don't communicate often the way you described. May be it is just sister's thing.
But my lovely wife, they are five sisters and only one brother. I can relate your story with her. My father-in-law was in Airforce and he taught them well. Everyone is now settled in their lives. Few weeks ago, we had a family re-union at their home and it was amazing to see all the sisters together along with grandkids. Family re-unions are a treat watch. There were gossips around, jokes, news-updates (if you know what I mean), and a little worry about the next generation who is growing fast.
Family is a great blessing by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and there is no alternative to that. This is one thing, where no strings are attached. You can joke, your can tease, you can laugh, you can cry and there is a comfort in sharing all these with your loved ones.
I am glad that your father took the brave step to migrate and raised all you guys well. And kudos to your mother as well by keeping the family intact and imparting moral values and still doing. Mothers are love, pure love, pure innocence. If one wants to learn selflessness, mother is the place to go. I never found them complaining, they just know how to give and give generously. رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
Prayers for your family and loved ones. May Allah bless you guys more and protect you at all times.
I'm part of several group chats and I love how it lets us stay connected virtually in between the times we can be together in person. Not all advances in technology are terrible! LOL.
I have a group chat with all my cousins in Oklahoma. My Mom had 8 brothers and sisters so I have a half dozen girl
Cousins in my age group. I am the youngest. They give me hope for the most conservative parts of our nation. My cousins believe in the same things I do. And we laugh! We cry together. It is magic.
Hahaaaa Isabel there's one joke which is literally the fact that one time, many years ago, one of my sisters was driving and she hit the brakes a little too hard, and then the cassette tape that was on the dashboard (yes that's how old we are) fell onto the ground. My other sister, sitting in the passenger's seat, leaned forward and picked it up and then said, "this is a tape!" - for some reason this was the most hilarious thing we'd all ever heard and we haven't forgotten it since. We will randomly say "this is a book! This is a song! This is a salad fork!" and point to whatever we're holding and all howl with laughter, to this day,
I did warn you that the jokes were hardly ever funny - and yet! 😅
There's another one where my youngest and oldest sister (with 8 years between them) played a game where the youngest sister, maybe 6 at the time, was named Mrs. Sumaiya and played the teacher to the oldest sister Amirah's character, who was named Wishnik - I'm not sure who made that name up - it's not a name. Mrs. Sumaiya was very strict and Wishnik was very Amelia Bedelia like... Do you know Amelia Bedelia? She was very big in Canada in the 80s/early 90's...
Now we randomly reference them both...
I'm not sure this is what you meant when you said you craved this content lol - these jokes make no sense to anyone else. But thank you for humouring me as I take a walk down memory lane...
It’s a tape!! Is quite funny. Do you know the writer John Irving? What I love about his stories is he plants a joke on page 1 and follows it up on p. 318. It’s brilliant. No surprise my favorite kind of writing would also be my favorite kind of living :)
Is it the same John Irving as the one who write the cider house rules and a prayer for Owen meany? If yes, I love his stuff but I haven’t read anything by him in years. Maybe this is a sign that I have to go back
I don't have a big family, but I do have a groupchat like this with my close guy friends. This is definitely something I hope my partner and I can cultivate with the family we create.
I love that you have it with your guy friends - I think I've had some of my best "visits" in recent years in group chats. Amen to your plans, my friend. I am sure you will do it.
This is delightful!
Awwww I'm so glad you liked it!
When I was younger, group chats felt overwhelming. Being just a little older now and away from a place I used to call home, I yearn for them. Everyone is so busy these days—sometimes even too busy to text. Appreciate the intimacy you have with your family.
Oh Marc, I feel that yearning. I never left home, but my family all left so I felt like I was a stranger for a while. I should clarify that I miss maybe half the messages or more on the group chat. I try to catch up in the morning or before bed, and sometimes I do but often I miss a bunch, especially the links and videos that aren't personal. Otherwise, it absolutely can be overwhelming.
That busy-ness is so intense and all-encompassing!
I pray that you get back to that closeness and find a new cadence with some of your friends who are still at "home".
It's wonderful that your family is so close and loving, Noha--despite the physical distance that separates you.
Thank you Clarice! The group chat definitely helps to connect us in a way that would have been much harder if we didn't have an offhand way of just chatting about the day to day things.
It’s wonderful how you keep in touch with your family. There is a lot to be learnt here. Hope you get better soon.
Noha, I love this essay so much, first time reading it and I’ll be sure to reread it. This essay explains so much about you and your way of being in the world. My favorite line “the group chat is our love language.” Having a sister, let alone 3 other sisters, is such a beautiful thing. You are so blessed to have this kind of family mashallah. My mom is like my sister but definitely not my sister. 😂 My girlfriends, I talk to occasionally. Cousins, family etc. — I talk to mostly at Eid or holidays. I’m one of those people who take days to respond to a text and I am always forgetting to charge my phone, lol. Your strong bond is a gift and part of your risq. It’s incredible 💕💕 and inspiring. I hope my kids feels these ties of kinship one day 🤲🏼🤲🏼
Oh Sadia, thank you thank you for this comment. I agree completely that it’s part of my rizq, and I’m glad it explains my way of being (and possibly my addiction to my phone lol)… I’m acutely aware of what a blessing it is, and I hope the same for my boys…
LOVE this story so much! I could see this group chat turned into a beautiful book, giving a bit of backstory on your family members across the generations.
Shelly, thank you!
I have often thought about the possibility of writing the story of my father's first year in Canada, when he was essentially alone....
Our family group chat is so long and so active, I fret about accidentally deleting it, it’s a source of comfort and amusement to scroll through the years but I know it takes up a ton of my cloud storage!
Maya, last year I somehow lost several of my group chat history in a device transfer and I was devastated. Not all of them but enough that I got really sad. We've rebuilt lol.
This sounds so lovely! I have always envied people who have sisters. No group chats here, it sounds delightful though. I do remember how magical email seemed though as it became more ubiquitous. My parents were living in Kenya at the time and instead of cramped writing on every centimeter of an air mail letter they could just sit down and write something out. (Which usually fell to my dad, a man of few words, as they didn't have a computer in their home.)
Didn't email change everything? I remember feeling so freed on it. That I could spend as long as I wanted, typing and typing where on the phone every second counted and I couldn't just spin my yarns. I remember I even made up a character - this little frog that appeared in one sketch in the Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show - and I sent him on little adventures and wrote to my sister about it almost every day.
It wasn't even something that had to do with our lives, but it was the sort of joke I would make to her if she had been still with me at home, so it was the most comforting way to communicate with her.
When your dad sent emails, did he become a man of "more words" - I'm curious?
He became a man of a few more words. When I say he was a man of few words I mean REALLY few. Truthfully, my mother rarely gave him space to speak. When given a chance it was almost as if each time he'd have to find his voice anew. But in those brief emails I would get glimpses of the wry man with the dry sense of humor. They largely centered around observations from his daily life because he had a thirst for noticing things and a hunger for new experiences. (After they had both passed away, going through his papers I found a map from the time as a young man when he had a break from rebuilding homes in Germany to spend 2 weeks traveling through Israel, Palestine and Egypt. Every inch of the back of that map was crammed with his observations and a catalogue of what he did and saw. This is not something he had ever talked about. I knew he had been there, but that was the extent of it.) Truthfully, I enjoyed his letters much more than my mother's. Because "I got to eat zebra" is fundamentally a lot more interesting than hearing about some missions conference I didn't care about.
Rea , I am enthralled with your description! You should write about this. Have you written about this?
No, I haven't.
This was lovely. Their are so many microforces tearing us apart (they aren’t actually micro but the way they play on our nervous systems in group chat kind of is? Tiny reminders of the mountains of hurt between us, hurt that we’ve normalised and try to pretend isn’t there…)that such uninhibited flow of love is quite rare. It’s funny, because you’re just describing a family group chat, memes and all, but I feel like you’ve given us a visceral picture of what we are healing toward—which is a testament to how artfully you’ve woven this piece. Really beautiful piece, Noha. I think this one will stay with me for a long time.
Shaina this comment made my day! Your description of the way microforces play on our nervous system in a group chat is amazing. I am so grateful for my family and so fortunate to have them. I thank God for them every day because I know it's not a very common experience.
Lovely writeup Noha. I enjoyed reading it.
We are four brothers (similar age group) and no sister, so we don't communicate often the way you described. May be it is just sister's thing.
But my lovely wife, they are five sisters and only one brother. I can relate your story with her. My father-in-law was in Airforce and he taught them well. Everyone is now settled in their lives. Few weeks ago, we had a family re-union at their home and it was amazing to see all the sisters together along with grandkids. Family re-unions are a treat watch. There were gossips around, jokes, news-updates (if you know what I mean), and a little worry about the next generation who is growing fast.
Family is a great blessing by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and there is no alternative to that. This is one thing, where no strings are attached. You can joke, your can tease, you can laugh, you can cry and there is a comfort in sharing all these with your loved ones.
I am glad that your father took the brave step to migrate and raised all you guys well. And kudos to your mother as well by keeping the family intact and imparting moral values and still doing. Mothers are love, pure love, pure innocence. If one wants to learn selflessness, mother is the place to go. I never found them complaining, they just know how to give and give generously. رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
Prayers for your family and loved ones. May Allah bless you guys more and protect you at all times.
Thanks
Waqar
Waqar your family reunion sounds lovely! Aameen aameen to all your duas, and same to you and yours.
“The truth is, it doesn’t actually matter what they say. It just matters that the messages keep coming, that the language is spoken.”
Oh I just love this ending. I also love the lead up and flow of your writing. I feel I read three stories in one.
I love a group chat and have created many with chosen family members.
Rachel, I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and I'm glad you liked the multiple stories because I think I rambled a bit in this one 😅😅
Group chats are the best, with any family or friends, chosen or born with 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Rambled no. Connected the dots, yes! 👏🏾
I'm part of several group chats and I love how it lets us stay connected virtually in between the times we can be together in person. Not all advances in technology are terrible! LOL.
Yes! Some of them are good - the flip side of our conversations on "return to nature".
I have a group chat with all my cousins in Oklahoma. My Mom had 8 brothers and sisters so I have a half dozen girl
Cousins in my age group. I am the youngest. They give me hope for the most conservative parts of our nation. My cousins believe in the same things I do. And we laugh! We cry together. It is magic.
Camille, yes!!!! This is exactly it ... love love love.
This was such a beautiful post and shows the power of intimate connection. What a breath of fresh air
🥹🥹🥹Thank you! What a sweet thing to say.
I want in on this family! A 40 years long inside joke? That’s the content I crave.
Hahaaaa Isabel there's one joke which is literally the fact that one time, many years ago, one of my sisters was driving and she hit the brakes a little too hard, and then the cassette tape that was on the dashboard (yes that's how old we are) fell onto the ground. My other sister, sitting in the passenger's seat, leaned forward and picked it up and then said, "this is a tape!" - for some reason this was the most hilarious thing we'd all ever heard and we haven't forgotten it since. We will randomly say "this is a book! This is a song! This is a salad fork!" and point to whatever we're holding and all howl with laughter, to this day,
I did warn you that the jokes were hardly ever funny - and yet! 😅
There's another one where my youngest and oldest sister (with 8 years between them) played a game where the youngest sister, maybe 6 at the time, was named Mrs. Sumaiya and played the teacher to the oldest sister Amirah's character, who was named Wishnik - I'm not sure who made that name up - it's not a name. Mrs. Sumaiya was very strict and Wishnik was very Amelia Bedelia like... Do you know Amelia Bedelia? She was very big in Canada in the 80s/early 90's...
Now we randomly reference them both...
I'm not sure this is what you meant when you said you craved this content lol - these jokes make no sense to anyone else. But thank you for humouring me as I take a walk down memory lane...
It’s a tape!! Is quite funny. Do you know the writer John Irving? What I love about his stories is he plants a joke on page 1 and follows it up on p. 318. It’s brilliant. No surprise my favorite kind of writing would also be my favorite kind of living :)
Is it the same John Irving as the one who write the cider house rules and a prayer for Owen meany? If yes, I love his stuff but I haven’t read anything by him in years. Maybe this is a sign that I have to go back
Yes!!