Letters from a Muslim Woman is an email newsletter exploring the joys and challenges of life as a Muslim woman. Some installments are free, some are for paid subscribers only. Sign up here: Caffeinated and crashing We went hard last Wednesday on the first day of Eid. Got up and wore our finest to rush to the mosque for morning prayers. Came home to our caffeine and sugary breakfasts. Left again to go to the community Eid Festival put together by an incredible team of volunteers and held every year in one of the city’s biggest conference centres.
I'd love to share a little about my experiences with Eid celebrations! Growing up in a Muslim-majority country meant that Eid was always a big deal for my family and I. We would always make our way back to our hometown where my grandparents lived, and the countryside setting really brought out the festive vibe, even without any fancy decorations. The highlight of the celebrations was always spending time with extended relatives, who would all pack into my grandparents' house until it felt like it might burst at the seams! Those few days of chaos and togetherness defined Eid for us.
But when I moved to Ireland to continue my studies, I had to adjust to a different kind of Eid celebration. The Malaysian government had appointed a local council to organize an Eid party for the Malaysian diaspora in Ireland, which was a great way for us to meet fellow countrymen. We would hop from one house to another, even if we barely knew the host - something that would never happen back in my home country! It was chaotic, but so much fun, and it definitely helped to ease the homesickness that comes with being away from family during the holidays. We still had to attend lectures during Eid, but my classmates knew something was up when they saw us all dressed to the nines!
Your mention of going to your grandparents' hometown makes me think of what I've heard of the villages in Egypt - everyone in Egypt is from the country side if you go back far enough, and people tend to go back to those towns for big occasions too..
The Irish Eid sounds incredible also, and I love the idea of dressing up to go to class! The number of years Eid coincided with final exams!
The part about Egypt was super interesting, and it reminded me of what happened in Malaysia. It's amazing how situations can be so different yet somehow similar.
Also, Eid is such a special time, regardless of whether you celebrate the majority or minority Eid, or whether you're with family or not. I think the most important thing is feeling a sense of belonging wherever you are.
Totally agree. Re the similarities with Malaysia and Egypt, I discovered a few years back that essentially, most old cultures have a lot of commonalities.
And I agree about the sense of belonging being the most important factor. If you are at peace, the rest falls into place
Such a great reflection Noha. I am struck by not only the difference in the majority and minority celebration stories, but also that last bit about transitioning out of such an intentional time, as you say. I’m wondering how one makes that transition mindfully so that you’re also intentional in June (different intentional, but intentional). When I take retreats, I have this same difficulty or question come up. I don’t want to lose what I’ve gained/experienced during the time, but I also know I have to let go on some level to be able to continue with my life. In the end, I tend to just let whatever I’ve acquired during my retreat filter into my system, while also not holding the experience too tightly. Thanks for helping me think about this!
Emily, I love that perspective and I think I'll try to carry it with me going forward. Keeping the same level of intentionality is just not sustainable, but trying to have some of it filter into our day to day sounds perfect.
I remember a spiritual mentor telling me long ago that all of these periods of intense worship (Ramadan, Hajj, etc) are there because God knows we are not able to stay high all the time, so they're their to bring us back up. We are naturally inconsistent beings, and that's ok. It's how we're meant to be and knowing that can help us ride the roller coaster of life more easily.
Yes, I agree. As humans, we are inconsistent. Maybe the periods of intensity are like tethers that hold us (at different distances) from our true ground, what roots us, God. And they keep pulling us back over and over again. We do need that!
"Ramadan is so intentional, I’d love to carry that intention with me year round." Emily and Noha, that part struck me, too. I appreciate that we can look for intention differently. I think experiences like these change us, make us more appreciative, aware, respectful of the tradition and purpose. Maybe it's cumulative, and maybe that's the point?
I think it's supposed to be cumulative, Elizabeth. What I hope is that from one year to the next, there's a trend line up. My worry is that every year, it fades and I start from the same baseline the next year, which is less than I want it to be. It's in my hands, of course, to change this for myself.
Since you are writing about it, I can only assume that your awareness has ticked up a notch and with it that trend line starts to go up. Perhaps hard to see small, incremental changes until you look back across a handful of years. I appreciate the intention.
I agree about the cumulative. And I do think it sometimes takes decades to notice differences. I often am very focused on what’s happening in me right now and then forget to look back at how I handled my life 20 years ago. When I do, I see a lot change.
I’m glad! The long view helps. We (I) want to change now because we see the suffering it causes ourselves and others, but I think it just takes time. Our bodies, nervous systems, brains, and spirits don’t always handle quick change very well, even if we really want it. There’s something about the slow process that changes us so deeply and thoroughly, it takes awhile. My thoughts anyway!
It's relatable jumping from Eid prayers to the community 'Eid' (like your niece was looking for in Dubai).
Back home in Pakistan, I knew families who after Eid Salah would have a long nap day.
That's so true that our families don't have the cousins like in the movie Home Alone but figuring out what suits us and transitioning into our new tradition on a new land becomes our fun fact.
Prompts:
1)We have a small lovely community nearby, we are the only Muslim family where we live. However, the locals especially our neighbours pop in with a box of chocolate or a flower bouquet at the start of Ramadan and on Eid. In that way, we are quite blessed, Alhamdolilah.
2)Surprisingly, yes, people are aware of when is Ramadan starting or when Eid is expected (as you know of the moon sighting shenanigans).
3)I enjoy celebrating in minority and majority settings. There are amazing things that we enjoy being in either side.
It's so sweet that your neighbours bring you sweets and celebrate with you. How beautiful. You're reminding me of the wonderful neighbours we had when we lived in Chelsea a few years ago during Covid. Early on, with the first Eid, they left us a wonderful goodie package including gifts for the boys when we couldn't go see family, play with other kids, etc.
I've literally only ever celebrated as a majority once, the summer of 2022 in Turkiye for Eid al-Adha. It was a lot of fun but also very different for me - a little disorienting almost!
Love this observation. I’ve found that diaspora Armenian communities and my cousin’s Iraqi community in Toronto to be so tightly knit, more so than I’ve ever experienced for myself in Armenia. I think a little part of me will always be a teensy bit jealous of those kids all growing up together in a community </3
It's the being "other" that brings them together. I feel constant guilt about not doing as good a job with building community for my kids as my parents did for me. I'm so relieved to have found people to be "our people" in the last few years. I think if you're an immigrant and you make community, it's amazing. if you don't, it's even more lonely because you're an "other".
Do you celebrate holidays or special occasions with friends and family? How do you celebrate?
It's not uncommon for Malaysian non-Muslims to join their Muslim friends in fasting with them during Ramadan month. In Malaysia, we often visit each other during Hari raya (what we call Eid.)My neighbour wanted to give me some Raya food but i missed her message as I just came back from Penang and was sorry to miss it ugh.
Are you holidays well-known where you live?
Totally. Malaysia is a Muslim majority country and it's one of the big celebrations in Malaysia.
Have you ever found yourself wishing to be part of the opposite group, in terms of majority/minority? Why?
.... come to think of it ... maybe not? THough when I was younger, I did wish I was, er, American? But Americans are not the majority in Malaysia. I don't know if other Chinese people are the same, but our culture is so fiercely embedded in our psyche, the pride in our history and culture so deeply ingrained, that I wonder if many wished they were in another group. But maybe that's just my family where I was taught about my culture from the crib.
It's so cool that you sometimes fast with your Muslim friends during Ramadan. My mind is blown as this little minority Muslim in Canada to consider that as something that happens somewhere else, but of course I've gone to Christmas celebrations here so it's not all that different!
I hear you loud and clear about wanting to be American when you were younger lol. I definitely wanted that too, I'm now embarrassed to admit. I think it's beautiful that you've always been proud of your culture and history. I think we lose so much by always tossing aside our culture and history for whatever the newest thing is.
And if we don't fast with them, we break fast with our Muslim friends. It's a pretty common sight in restaurants, especially with offices nearby, for everyone - including non-Muslims to respectfully not eat until it is time to break fast. And we will join our Muslim friends in breaking fast. I miss doing that now that I'm working from home.
Honestly, the country you grow up in plays such a big part in pride for your culture. Malaysia is unique in a sense that there's little pressure in forcing its minorities to adapt to the majority culture. We live in our unique cultural bubbles and yet am able to have a collective Malaysian culture at the same time. There is a rift between English-educated Chinese vs Chinese-educated Chinese however. The latter often believes that the former are not as proud of their culture as they like. And I have to admit, some English-educated Chinese do have some self-hatred when it comes to Chinese culture. It's pretty ... confusing at times lol.
Minority EID celebration sounds like so much fun! I wish we have minority lunar new year celebration here in Germany too, we are not even the minority! But this year I made friends with another Chinese family from Singapore and I initiated visiting each other, it's a tradition to do so. It was so much fun! Maybe someday, I will gather enough to make a community, but I must say I am not active enough to seek them out. Back home when we are the majority-minority, celebrations remain within families and close friends, but it's still a lot of fun and chaos because we were big families and there are many close knits friends who are like family. Ah I miss them :)
Rachel, I never even considered the idea of the majority minority vs the minority minority, and all the layers in between. I love that added angle to consider. I'm glad this year you visited with other families! The big family vibe is always so fun. My family, when everyone is around, is really big too, and the chaotic good is awesome.
Yes, the big family vibe is the other positive side of having "majority" to celebrate with. I'm also glad there's other options for the minorities to gather elsewhere. All in the spirit of celebration!
BarakAllahuFeekm for this! As the son of a convert, growing up Eid was going to iHop and then back home. I was ok with it, but Eid never had a special place in my heart. It just was. Then, after living in Saudi for a decade, I realized this is just what Eid is.
Then I got married to someone who comes from a culture (albeit non-Muslim) where holidays are huge and had kids of my own. Now my wife has completely changed my Eid experience—she decorates, cooks multiple dishes, invites friends over, and gives gifts. Now, I love Eid.
I pray our Minority Eid and family only grows bigger and warmer.
I loved hearing this perspective! isn't it interesting that your experience as the child of convert was actually very similar to your experience as a Muslim living in a Muslim majority country?
Your Eid experience now sounds beautiful! I was listening to Musab Abu Toha, the acclaimed Palestinian poet, on a podcast yesterday and it had been recorded on Eid, and he said, even in Gaza, they are celebrating by going to see each other, hug, shake hands - even without the new clothes, the gifts, etc. I pray all our Eids get bigger and warmer, from our minority Eids to their majority Eids to the war-torn Eids in between....
As a child, I grew up in a large family of many cousins. It is still large, but now dispersed due to geography and the glue that had been our grandparents, loosening with their deaths. We are white settler (Christian) Canadians, and we don't struggle with diaspora beyond the chosen migrations of family across the country and the ocean. But your post makes me miss what Christmas used to be like in our family. One of the many things that we, as the dominant majority, took for granted and then never nurtured. Our privilege has made us blind and careless.
Oh Jessica, I do worry about the glue that holds us together disappearing over time, and one of my prayers is that we stay close even as our elders leave us. I hope you still have a chance to nurture it now. Much love and holding space for your memories too!
FWIW, being an American I know first hand that not being an immigrant is no guarantee of a big family around you. I, too, look at Home Alone and marvel what it must be like to have that kind of familial connections because we definitely never had it. And I think many Americans are similar...
It's so funny how as a kid I just assumed everyone would have a big family, or at least access to a close extended family just by virtue of being "from here". I've realized as I've gotten older that's far from the case...
For Home Alone, specifically, I remember reading something about "what kind of job would that guy have to work to fly all those people to Paris" lol... Completely unrealistic, and yet you see something in the movies and you assume it's true, and everyone has it but you.
I'd love to share a little about my experiences with Eid celebrations! Growing up in a Muslim-majority country meant that Eid was always a big deal for my family and I. We would always make our way back to our hometown where my grandparents lived, and the countryside setting really brought out the festive vibe, even without any fancy decorations. The highlight of the celebrations was always spending time with extended relatives, who would all pack into my grandparents' house until it felt like it might burst at the seams! Those few days of chaos and togetherness defined Eid for us.
But when I moved to Ireland to continue my studies, I had to adjust to a different kind of Eid celebration. The Malaysian government had appointed a local council to organize an Eid party for the Malaysian diaspora in Ireland, which was a great way for us to meet fellow countrymen. We would hop from one house to another, even if we barely knew the host - something that would never happen back in my home country! It was chaotic, but so much fun, and it definitely helped to ease the homesickness that comes with being away from family during the holidays. We still had to attend lectures during Eid, but my classmates knew something was up when they saw us all dressed to the nines!
Amalina, I love everything about this!
Your mention of going to your grandparents' hometown makes me think of what I've heard of the villages in Egypt - everyone in Egypt is from the country side if you go back far enough, and people tend to go back to those towns for big occasions too..
The Irish Eid sounds incredible also, and I love the idea of dressing up to go to class! The number of years Eid coincided with final exams!
The part about Egypt was super interesting, and it reminded me of what happened in Malaysia. It's amazing how situations can be so different yet somehow similar.
Also, Eid is such a special time, regardless of whether you celebrate the majority or minority Eid, or whether you're with family or not. I think the most important thing is feeling a sense of belonging wherever you are.
Totally agree. Re the similarities with Malaysia and Egypt, I discovered a few years back that essentially, most old cultures have a lot of commonalities.
And I agree about the sense of belonging being the most important factor. If you are at peace, the rest falls into place
Another great one, Noha!
awwwwww thank you, Holly!
Such a great reflection Noha. I am struck by not only the difference in the majority and minority celebration stories, but also that last bit about transitioning out of such an intentional time, as you say. I’m wondering how one makes that transition mindfully so that you’re also intentional in June (different intentional, but intentional). When I take retreats, I have this same difficulty or question come up. I don’t want to lose what I’ve gained/experienced during the time, but I also know I have to let go on some level to be able to continue with my life. In the end, I tend to just let whatever I’ve acquired during my retreat filter into my system, while also not holding the experience too tightly. Thanks for helping me think about this!
Emily, I love that perspective and I think I'll try to carry it with me going forward. Keeping the same level of intentionality is just not sustainable, but trying to have some of it filter into our day to day sounds perfect.
I remember a spiritual mentor telling me long ago that all of these periods of intense worship (Ramadan, Hajj, etc) are there because God knows we are not able to stay high all the time, so they're their to bring us back up. We are naturally inconsistent beings, and that's ok. It's how we're meant to be and knowing that can help us ride the roller coaster of life more easily.
Yes, I agree. As humans, we are inconsistent. Maybe the periods of intensity are like tethers that hold us (at different distances) from our true ground, what roots us, God. And they keep pulling us back over and over again. We do need that!
Like tethers! I like that...
Me too!
"Ramadan is so intentional, I’d love to carry that intention with me year round." Emily and Noha, that part struck me, too. I appreciate that we can look for intention differently. I think experiences like these change us, make us more appreciative, aware, respectful of the tradition and purpose. Maybe it's cumulative, and maybe that's the point?
I think it's supposed to be cumulative, Elizabeth. What I hope is that from one year to the next, there's a trend line up. My worry is that every year, it fades and I start from the same baseline the next year, which is less than I want it to be. It's in my hands, of course, to change this for myself.
Since you are writing about it, I can only assume that your awareness has ticked up a notch and with it that trend line starts to go up. Perhaps hard to see small, incremental changes until you look back across a handful of years. I appreciate the intention.
I agree about the cumulative. And I do think it sometimes takes decades to notice differences. I often am very focused on what’s happening in me right now and then forget to look back at how I handled my life 20 years ago. When I do, I see a lot change.
that's so encouraging, Emily. I'll try to think of it that way too.
I’m glad! The long view helps. We (I) want to change now because we see the suffering it causes ourselves and others, but I think it just takes time. Our bodies, nervous systems, brains, and spirits don’t always handle quick change very well, even if we really want it. There’s something about the slow process that changes us so deeply and thoroughly, it takes awhile. My thoughts anyway!
It's relatable jumping from Eid prayers to the community 'Eid' (like your niece was looking for in Dubai).
Back home in Pakistan, I knew families who after Eid Salah would have a long nap day.
That's so true that our families don't have the cousins like in the movie Home Alone but figuring out what suits us and transitioning into our new tradition on a new land becomes our fun fact.
Prompts:
1)We have a small lovely community nearby, we are the only Muslim family where we live. However, the locals especially our neighbours pop in with a box of chocolate or a flower bouquet at the start of Ramadan and on Eid. In that way, we are quite blessed, Alhamdolilah.
2)Surprisingly, yes, people are aware of when is Ramadan starting or when Eid is expected (as you know of the moon sighting shenanigans).
3)I enjoy celebrating in minority and majority settings. There are amazing things that we enjoy being in either side.
It's so sweet that your neighbours bring you sweets and celebrate with you. How beautiful. You're reminding me of the wonderful neighbours we had when we lived in Chelsea a few years ago during Covid. Early on, with the first Eid, they left us a wonderful goodie package including gifts for the boys when we couldn't go see family, play with other kids, etc.
I've literally only ever celebrated as a majority once, the summer of 2022 in Turkiye for Eid al-Adha. It was a lot of fun but also very different for me - a little disorienting almost!
Love this observation. I’ve found that diaspora Armenian communities and my cousin’s Iraqi community in Toronto to be so tightly knit, more so than I’ve ever experienced for myself in Armenia. I think a little part of me will always be a teensy bit jealous of those kids all growing up together in a community </3
It's the being "other" that brings them together. I feel constant guilt about not doing as good a job with building community for my kids as my parents did for me. I'm so relieved to have found people to be "our people" in the last few years. I think if you're an immigrant and you make community, it's amazing. if you don't, it's even more lonely because you're an "other".
Hello Noha,
To answer your questions:
Do you celebrate holidays or special occasions with friends and family? How do you celebrate?
It's not uncommon for Malaysian non-Muslims to join their Muslim friends in fasting with them during Ramadan month. In Malaysia, we often visit each other during Hari raya (what we call Eid.)My neighbour wanted to give me some Raya food but i missed her message as I just came back from Penang and was sorry to miss it ugh.
Are you holidays well-known where you live?
Totally. Malaysia is a Muslim majority country and it's one of the big celebrations in Malaysia.
Have you ever found yourself wishing to be part of the opposite group, in terms of majority/minority? Why?
.... come to think of it ... maybe not? THough when I was younger, I did wish I was, er, American? But Americans are not the majority in Malaysia. I don't know if other Chinese people are the same, but our culture is so fiercely embedded in our psyche, the pride in our history and culture so deeply ingrained, that I wonder if many wished they were in another group. But maybe that's just my family where I was taught about my culture from the crib.
It's so cool that you sometimes fast with your Muslim friends during Ramadan. My mind is blown as this little minority Muslim in Canada to consider that as something that happens somewhere else, but of course I've gone to Christmas celebrations here so it's not all that different!
I hear you loud and clear about wanting to be American when you were younger lol. I definitely wanted that too, I'm now embarrassed to admit. I think it's beautiful that you've always been proud of your culture and history. I think we lose so much by always tossing aside our culture and history for whatever the newest thing is.
And if we don't fast with them, we break fast with our Muslim friends. It's a pretty common sight in restaurants, especially with offices nearby, for everyone - including non-Muslims to respectfully not eat until it is time to break fast. And we will join our Muslim friends in breaking fast. I miss doing that now that I'm working from home.
Honestly, the country you grow up in plays such a big part in pride for your culture. Malaysia is unique in a sense that there's little pressure in forcing its minorities to adapt to the majority culture. We live in our unique cultural bubbles and yet am able to have a collective Malaysian culture at the same time. There is a rift between English-educated Chinese vs Chinese-educated Chinese however. The latter often believes that the former are not as proud of their culture as they like. And I have to admit, some English-educated Chinese do have some self-hatred when it comes to Chinese culture. It's pretty ... confusing at times lol.
are you English-educated or Chinese-educated, if you don't mind my asking?
English educated tho technically I am Malay educated officially.
😆
Minority EID celebration sounds like so much fun! I wish we have minority lunar new year celebration here in Germany too, we are not even the minority! But this year I made friends with another Chinese family from Singapore and I initiated visiting each other, it's a tradition to do so. It was so much fun! Maybe someday, I will gather enough to make a community, but I must say I am not active enough to seek them out. Back home when we are the majority-minority, celebrations remain within families and close friends, but it's still a lot of fun and chaos because we were big families and there are many close knits friends who are like family. Ah I miss them :)
Rachel, I never even considered the idea of the majority minority vs the minority minority, and all the layers in between. I love that added angle to consider. I'm glad this year you visited with other families! The big family vibe is always so fun. My family, when everyone is around, is really big too, and the chaotic good is awesome.
Yes, the big family vibe is the other positive side of having "majority" to celebrate with. I'm also glad there's other options for the minorities to gather elsewhere. All in the spirit of celebration!
BarakAllahuFeekm for this! As the son of a convert, growing up Eid was going to iHop and then back home. I was ok with it, but Eid never had a special place in my heart. It just was. Then, after living in Saudi for a decade, I realized this is just what Eid is.
Then I got married to someone who comes from a culture (albeit non-Muslim) where holidays are huge and had kids of my own. Now my wife has completely changed my Eid experience—she decorates, cooks multiple dishes, invites friends over, and gives gifts. Now, I love Eid.
I pray our Minority Eid and family only grows bigger and warmer.
I loved hearing this perspective! isn't it interesting that your experience as the child of convert was actually very similar to your experience as a Muslim living in a Muslim majority country?
Your Eid experience now sounds beautiful! I was listening to Musab Abu Toha, the acclaimed Palestinian poet, on a podcast yesterday and it had been recorded on Eid, and he said, even in Gaza, they are celebrating by going to see each other, hug, shake hands - even without the new clothes, the gifts, etc. I pray all our Eids get bigger and warmer, from our minority Eids to their majority Eids to the war-torn Eids in between....
Thank you for this window into your celebration!
As a child, I grew up in a large family of many cousins. It is still large, but now dispersed due to geography and the glue that had been our grandparents, loosening with their deaths. We are white settler (Christian) Canadians, and we don't struggle with diaspora beyond the chosen migrations of family across the country and the ocean. But your post makes me miss what Christmas used to be like in our family. One of the many things that we, as the dominant majority, took for granted and then never nurtured. Our privilege has made us blind and careless.
Oh Jessica, I do worry about the glue that holds us together disappearing over time, and one of my prayers is that we stay close even as our elders leave us. I hope you still have a chance to nurture it now. Much love and holding space for your memories too!
FWIW, being an American I know first hand that not being an immigrant is no guarantee of a big family around you. I, too, look at Home Alone and marvel what it must be like to have that kind of familial connections because we definitely never had it. And I think many Americans are similar...
It's so funny how as a kid I just assumed everyone would have a big family, or at least access to a close extended family just by virtue of being "from here". I've realized as I've gotten older that's far from the case...
For Home Alone, specifically, I remember reading something about "what kind of job would that guy have to work to fly all those people to Paris" lol... Completely unrealistic, and yet you see something in the movies and you assume it's true, and everyone has it but you.
Scary hair pop culture shapes our expectations...
I like that - Scary hair pop culture.
STUPID AUTOCORRECT!!! 🤣🤣🤣
well wait - what did you mean to type there Lol.
Scary HOW pop culture shapes our expectations. LOL LOL
A lovely post, Noha. The joy of Eid came across so strongly.
Thank you so much, Jeffery!