I remember these incidents very well. The mosque shootings get tangled with others from other countries in my memories. The family mowed down, going for a walk. A simple walk. Together as a family. Not many people do that with regularity. All together. Walking. It’s beautiful. And to see it become a tragedy is heartbreaking. I can only imagine what you and your sister and her family must feel. A visible target for those who hate. I always felt a target because I’m a woman, but this is a whole other level. I’m truly sorry that you have to walk into any place and feel fear.
This is the mantra I was given this morning in my meditation about compassion--for others and yourself.
“May you find ease, even in the midst of difficulty.”
Even now, Kim, I have to stop and ask myself, did this moment happen after the Quebec shooting, or the Christchurch shooting, or the Toronto stabbing, or or or... It is devastating and terrifying and your mind dissociates after a while, to protect yourself, but then you feel guilt for letting them blend together, all those lovely souls (I don't want to say lost because I believe they were found by their Lord in a way their murderers never can be).
Walking was the only thing I could safely do during covid. My friend and I would walk through the woods together, and there was a clearing where we'd cross the road, and if a car was coming and slowing down for us, I told her once, "I don't want to cross. What if he's slowing down to lull us into safety? And then as soon as we start walking, he'll rush forward?"
Walking with my white friend was what gave me safety, because maybe they wouldn't run me down if I was with her.
Appalling crimes. When these things happen, humanity as a whole is diminished. Thank you for keeping the memories of the victims alive, Noha, and peace be with you.
I remember you sharing the feeling about going to work after one of these events. Again, it always feels like we are experiencing something similar, but living vastly different lives. Appreciate you, for so many reasons, but especially for being you.
It can be heavy. I make the choice to stand out, but not for the purpose of standing out. I do it for its own purpose and the visibility is a by-product.
Thank you for being here with me in all the complexity today.
Both this and the linked piece from 2021 are beautifully vulnerable. And we are, aren't we? Vulnerable? I would never mean to diminish the tragedy of lives cut short by those filled with hate. It is impossible, unbearable, and so devastating to those of us with hearts that only want to love.
But one way for me to find solace, or to make any sense at all of the sadness, is to remember that we are here now, and that we are here always. As you say, not lost. It doesn't remove the hate, nor calm the fear entirely, but it helps me notice that the birds are still singing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for being visible.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. And you're right about the fact that we are still here, and they are still here. In the Quran, God actually says not to say of those who have died in his way (so that would include people who were killed for being who they are) - not to say of them that they are dead, rather they are still alive, we just don't see them. It's a great comfort. They are actually in heaven now, no longer suffering at all.
Thank you for this. As a writer, I think what obsesses me is the remembering. That’s what writing does, it allows us to stay in touch with the past. I’m always grateful for the opportunity to remember.
I remember these incidents very well. The mosque shootings get tangled with others from other countries in my memories. The family mowed down, going for a walk. A simple walk. Together as a family. Not many people do that with regularity. All together. Walking. It’s beautiful. And to see it become a tragedy is heartbreaking. I can only imagine what you and your sister and her family must feel. A visible target for those who hate. I always felt a target because I’m a woman, but this is a whole other level. I’m truly sorry that you have to walk into any place and feel fear.
This is the mantra I was given this morning in my meditation about compassion--for others and yourself.
“May you find ease, even in the midst of difficulty.”
Even now, Kim, I have to stop and ask myself, did this moment happen after the Quebec shooting, or the Christchurch shooting, or the Toronto stabbing, or or or... It is devastating and terrifying and your mind dissociates after a while, to protect yourself, but then you feel guilt for letting them blend together, all those lovely souls (I don't want to say lost because I believe they were found by their Lord in a way their murderers never can be).
Walking was the only thing I could safely do during covid. My friend and I would walk through the woods together, and there was a clearing where we'd cross the road, and if a car was coming and slowing down for us, I told her once, "I don't want to cross. What if he's slowing down to lull us into safety? And then as soon as we start walking, he'll rush forward?"
Walking with my white friend was what gave me safety, because maybe they wouldn't run me down if I was with her.
Thank you for your mantra. Amen amen amen.
😞 😘
Appalling crimes. When these things happen, humanity as a whole is diminished. Thank you for keeping the memories of the victims alive, Noha, and peace be with you.
Peace be with you too, Jeffrey.
Thank you for being here to mourn with me.
I remember you sharing the feeling about going to work after one of these events. Again, it always feels like we are experiencing something similar, but living vastly different lives. Appreciate you, for so many reasons, but especially for being you.
Same to you Marc. Everything you said, reciprocated.
Thank you for giving such a vulnerable snapshot
Beautiful reflections on a terrible loss. Thank you. I’m so glad I’m here.
Thank you, Isabel. It means a lot.
I had never considered the poignancy of being so visible and feeling so vulnerable for it. What a complex circumstance to hold.
It can be heavy. I make the choice to stand out, but not for the purpose of standing out. I do it for its own purpose and the visibility is a by-product.
Thank you for being here with me in all the complexity today.
Both this and the linked piece from 2021 are beautifully vulnerable. And we are, aren't we? Vulnerable? I would never mean to diminish the tragedy of lives cut short by those filled with hate. It is impossible, unbearable, and so devastating to those of us with hearts that only want to love.
But one way for me to find solace, or to make any sense at all of the sadness, is to remember that we are here now, and that we are here always. As you say, not lost. It doesn't remove the hate, nor calm the fear entirely, but it helps me notice that the birds are still singing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for being visible.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. And you're right about the fact that we are still here, and they are still here. In the Quran, God actually says not to say of those who have died in his way (so that would include people who were killed for being who they are) - not to say of them that they are dead, rather they are still alive, we just don't see them. It's a great comfort. They are actually in heaven now, no longer suffering at all.
May Allah grant them janatul firdaus and protect us all. The hyper vigilance is exhausting.
Aameen aameen aameen. And yes. It is constant and very draining.
Thank you for this. As a writer, I think what obsesses me is the remembering. That’s what writing does, it allows us to stay in touch with the past. I’m always grateful for the opportunity to remember.
It's true that the remembering is a gift even when it hurts. The alternative, forgetting them as though they were nothing, is so much worse.
May their souls rest in peace. Thank you for sharing.
Amen. Thank you for reading.
sending you lots of love today <3 thank you for sharing this piece <3
Thank you, Chloe. I appreciate and receive your love.