My favorite is being able to foster his emotional literacy and honor and safeguard his sensitive side. Have you read Sonora Jha's "How to Raise a Feminist Son"? It changed my parenting in so many wonderful ways, and helped me appreciate the opportunity I've been given to contribute to the full, true expression of feminism by raising a boy. And, yes, my boy likes Star Wars and Transformers although he's too young yet to have watched any of the movies, so he's not super into it. He is obsessed with dinosaurs, whales, prehistoric life, sharks, and any wildlife really. We play a lot of museum at our house which can look more like dinosaur zoo because the dinos are alive. Storm troopers do moonlight as museum goers ;o), but mostly Bluey and her family are in attendance. I love sharing my wonder for the natural world and for reading with him too.
We have actually watched a fair amount of Bluey even though my boys are about to be 11 and 13.
I haven't read Jha's book but it sounds excellent!! I do love the experience of fostering their emotional literacy, as you put it. It's really amazing to see the way culture has changed in terms of boys' feelings. I notice it with certain things I try to raise with them about feelings, and they look at me like, "duh, mama, obviously". Gives me hope.
I remember when we finally got pregnant - we wanted a girl so badly. Now that we have Myles- she loves being a boy mom. Although we both hate how boy sections are the smallest section in every store we shop for him lol
They're so small! and don't get me started on the transition from boys' clothes to mens' clothes? D is now too big for the boys clothing section and too small for the smallest size of most mens' clothes. It takes multiple hours, multiple stops and multiple attempts to find him anything that fits!!
My mother raised us three boys—and to this day I’m not sure how she survived us. My dad used to say “I have one job—keeping you boys from killing yourselves or each other.” 🙄
Boys are different—it’s all physical. God protect your boys 🙏
My son’s a teen now so the endless stories about Minecraft and video games are now replaced by sports and break-downs of YouTube videos and “look at this tik tok/IG reel” about something that makes no sense to me. Having grown up with two younger brothers, I feel like I’m playing big sister again. Lots of nodding and pretending to understand and be interested in the subject. 😅
What was your rabbit's name? I had rabbits when I was little but I think we were always too active because they never did the binkies or the little flops that Bilbo does. The first time she did that stuff, I thought she was having a stroke and then I googled it and they said, "if your rabbit does this, she is relaxed/happy" and I was like, oops, I guess our rabbits were not relaxed or happy when we were little 😅
I am a mom of boys (2) and a daughter, and also a grandma to three boys and another one in the way. I can relate so much to the clothes for boys. It’s just not the same and a tad boring. But as @amygabrielle says above you save money. I love my rough and tumble, wrestling, car and tractor loving boys. They’re too young yet to have discovered superheroes. But you’ve given me a glimpse into what’s coming.
This one had me howling!! All the hours and hours we spent high-kicking and "doing" martial arts through the living room during lockdown. I would feel so sweaty and disembodied and they would be so GLEEFUL and I was like "how can we be having these opposite experiences so thoroughly and completely?" It happens still (the play and the disembodiment).
Also, this: "I have brushed my nieces’ long hair and bristled at their tears as I do it, shaking my head in wonderment and relief that this is not an every day occurrence. I have asked my mother again and again, how she dealt with me as a child. I was so dramatic, and now I have zero patience or grace to extend to the next generations’ drama queens."
SAME. I actually think my uterus had some kind of mechanism for booting all the XX sperm. I think my body knew that my psyche could not handle parenting a girl like me. So instead I high kick through the living room. To this day. And for another 10 years or so.
Hahaaaaaa I feel all of this so deeply. And I'm just now realizing that I went from 4 girls to 2 boys and you went from 2 girls to 4 boys. It's like we flipped and switched through some cosmic sliding doors or something.
I have such an amazing relationship with several of my nieces (I love them all dearly but I am especially close with Rania, who graduated high school last spring, and used to call me her second mother). That said, I am much better at being a girl aunt than I could ever be at being a girl mom. I wish I could say my sensitivity has made me sensitive to other girls, but it hasn't. It's made me a snarky mess...
Going into motherhood, I wanted to be a girl-mom, maybe because I never had a sister, but now, 24 years later, I am so in love with being a boy mom, I couldn't even imagine anything different. My boys have been the most fun to parent and hang out with.
This is exactly how I feel, Ingrid. Which is funny because I was a pretty girly girl by many accounts (although not the comfortable clothes side of things).
Thanks, Istiaq. It made a big difference. I have a few more essays up my sleeves about my husband's family and experiences with them, all good stuff, just a variety of realizations.
That clip to me is so useful in helping to deconstruct stuff. Can you imagine if people applied the logic of "but they voted for" to other countries that have bombed or killed people. The US government has killed so many in other countries but we rightly don't assume it's correct to come kill American civilians on American soil is a legitimate response.
Noha, I am also a mother of boys, twin boys who are now 19. They have a sister who is 17. Like you, I grew up in a family of women, while my partner has only brothers. I don't think my boys stopped moving or talking until they were about five and then only in very short (10 second) spurts. On long car rides, my husband and I still have to tell them to stop "messing" with each other, while their sister roles her eyes. I never thought I'd know what to do with boys. I've learned that you just love them, listen when they feel like talking (which isn't often as they get older), and feed them a lot.
I love your description of how to be with them. As they get older their is less feeling like talking for sure, but once in a while you get such a beautiful burst of feelings and affection and it's so much more meaningful because of its rarity.
And feeding them a lot lol. I feel that. When I would cook at home in my born family, I could count on days of leftovers. Now it feels that no matter how much I make, it's often finished the same night lol. I guess I should just be glad they like the food.
Yes! Car rides. I have no idea when they will stop trying to wrestle in the car. And, I so agree that those bursts of feeling and unprompted conversations are so precious.
Hang in there with the food. My boys are in college and so the university has to feed them now, but when they were home this summer, the grocery bill tripled. Aack!
Oh, Noha -- these thoughts are endearing. As I think I've mentioned in the past, I'll never know the joy of born-family sisters, but my adult daughters give me a glimpse of that bond. And as the only girl in a family of boys, I know what it felt like to have gendered chores, and how the boys were taught to be gentler with their sister, "do the heavy lifting." I know that as an adult, I learned my way past much of that but there is still a strain in me that appreciates when my husband helps me bring in 13 bags of groceries, or hang a level picture, or add air to my tires.
As it happened, my daughters were the only girls among my and my sibling's offspring. The grandmothers were SO HAPPY to have little girls to buy gifts for!
Your boys are lucky to have you. God protect our boys...here and afar.
Love this, Elizabeth. Once I got over my husband helping me with the heavy lifting, I really did come to appreciate it. He does most of the physical work around the house, including the installing of anything, or the assembly of furniture, and as the boys get bigger, he's bringing them into that stuff. Honestly, I am glad NOT to have to build another Ikea bookshelf as long as I live lol.
The idea of the grandmas being happy for the ability to shop for your daughters brought a smile to my face. Amen amen. For our boys and our girls and all the babies.
Two things, Noha. Absolutely, there is no reason on earth good enough to bomb an entire society to kingdom come. And this right here? "Then, Iron Man, Harry, Ron and Hermione would go off to fight Thanos, Voldemort, and Sauron, while Merry and Pippin tried to find a nice little café to eat second breakfast nearby." LOVELY. Boys blah blah blah boys. :D
I'm so glad you liked that line. I was pretty happy with it :D
The bombing is mind boggling and it's getting so normalized and it's both heartbreaking and enraging. I don't know what to do beyond continuing to raise it. I do feel like I'm shouting into a void because those who know, know, and those with power are happy to ignore us.
Lol i laughed at the image of the Avengers + Harry Potter, and then Merry and Pippin grabbing second breakfast. Classic merry and pippin behavior. What a sweet letter.
As a boy mom I share with you the joy of playing in unfamiliar ways and walking in unfamiliar stories. As always, beautiful writing.
Thank you so much, Stacey. What are your favourite aspects of boy motherhood? Are your kids big on the action stuff? Trucks? Superheroes?
My favorite is being able to foster his emotional literacy and honor and safeguard his sensitive side. Have you read Sonora Jha's "How to Raise a Feminist Son"? It changed my parenting in so many wonderful ways, and helped me appreciate the opportunity I've been given to contribute to the full, true expression of feminism by raising a boy. And, yes, my boy likes Star Wars and Transformers although he's too young yet to have watched any of the movies, so he's not super into it. He is obsessed with dinosaurs, whales, prehistoric life, sharks, and any wildlife really. We play a lot of museum at our house which can look more like dinosaur zoo because the dinos are alive. Storm troopers do moonlight as museum goers ;o), but mostly Bluey and her family are in attendance. I love sharing my wonder for the natural world and for reading with him too.
Dinosaur zoo!!! I love that lol.
We have actually watched a fair amount of Bluey even though my boys are about to be 11 and 13.
I haven't read Jha's book but it sounds excellent!! I do love the experience of fostering their emotional literacy, as you put it. It's really amazing to see the way culture has changed in terms of boys' feelings. I notice it with certain things I try to raise with them about feelings, and they look at me like, "duh, mama, obviously". Gives me hope.
I remember when we finally got pregnant - we wanted a girl so badly. Now that we have Myles- she loves being a boy mom. Although we both hate how boy sections are the smallest section in every store we shop for him lol
Amen on the clothes!
They're so small! and don't get me started on the transition from boys' clothes to mens' clothes? D is now too big for the boys clothing section and too small for the smallest size of most mens' clothes. It takes multiple hours, multiple stops and multiple attempts to find him anything that fits!!
Im a boy mom. I have learned much from them. I love your writing.
Boy moms unite! and thank you 🥰
My mother raised us three boys—and to this day I’m not sure how she survived us. My dad used to say “I have one job—keeping you boys from killing yourselves or each other.” 🙄
Boys are different—it’s all physical. God protect your boys 🙏
Hahaaa I relate to all of this quite deeply. And amen and thank you.
My son’s a teen now so the endless stories about Minecraft and video games are now replaced by sports and break-downs of YouTube videos and “look at this tik tok/IG reel” about something that makes no sense to me. Having grown up with two younger brothers, I feel like I’m playing big sister again. Lots of nodding and pretending to understand and be interested in the subject. 😅
OMG the tik tok reels. If I never see another Luke Davidson (who I constantly call Pete Davidson lol) short, it will be too soon.
I am in that zone too right now. I feel very old and very very lost lol
I had a pet rabbit as a boy too! As a non-parent I always appreciate reading your take on parenthood.
What was your rabbit's name? I had rabbits when I was little but I think we were always too active because they never did the binkies or the little flops that Bilbo does. The first time she did that stuff, I thought she was having a stroke and then I googled it and they said, "if your rabbit does this, she is relaxed/happy" and I was like, oops, I guess our rabbits were not relaxed or happy when we were little 😅
It was Rio. Some day I should write about it. While there is one funny story, ultimately it's of having a pretty rabbit was a very bad idea.
Beautifully written.
And I 100% second tiny girl clothes in adult sizes please. If there were a store like this I would shop there exclusively.
Someone needs to jump on this as a business idea. they would make millions!
For sure. Wish I had investing money
I love this for so many reasons. 🙏🏽
Awww thank you!
I am a mom of boys (2) and a daughter, and also a grandma to three boys and another one in the way. I can relate so much to the clothes for boys. It’s just not the same and a tad boring. But as @amygabrielle says above you save money. I love my rough and tumble, wrestling, car and tractor loving boys. They’re too young yet to have discovered superheroes. But you’ve given me a glimpse into what’s coming.
These days with the cost of everything, it's hard to believe we're saving money, but I know you're right lol.
The superheroes will take over - brace yourself heheheh.
This one had me howling!! All the hours and hours we spent high-kicking and "doing" martial arts through the living room during lockdown. I would feel so sweaty and disembodied and they would be so GLEEFUL and I was like "how can we be having these opposite experiences so thoroughly and completely?" It happens still (the play and the disembodiment).
Also, this: "I have brushed my nieces’ long hair and bristled at their tears as I do it, shaking my head in wonderment and relief that this is not an every day occurrence. I have asked my mother again and again, how she dealt with me as a child. I was so dramatic, and now I have zero patience or grace to extend to the next generations’ drama queens."
SAME. I actually think my uterus had some kind of mechanism for booting all the XX sperm. I think my body knew that my psyche could not handle parenting a girl like me. So instead I high kick through the living room. To this day. And for another 10 years or so.
Hahaaaaaa I feel all of this so deeply. And I'm just now realizing that I went from 4 girls to 2 boys and you went from 2 girls to 4 boys. It's like we flipped and switched through some cosmic sliding doors or something.
I have such an amazing relationship with several of my nieces (I love them all dearly but I am especially close with Rania, who graduated high school last spring, and used to call me her second mother). That said, I am much better at being a girl aunt than I could ever be at being a girl mom. I wish I could say my sensitivity has made me sensitive to other girls, but it hasn't. It's made me a snarky mess...
Going into motherhood, I wanted to be a girl-mom, maybe because I never had a sister, but now, 24 years later, I am so in love with being a boy mom, I couldn't even imagine anything different. My boys have been the most fun to parent and hang out with.
This is exactly how I feel, Ingrid. Which is funny because I was a pretty girly girl by many accounts (although not the comfortable clothes side of things).
Loved that story of how you understood the boys better after visiting family :)
Also, that clip of Sammy Obeid is pretty incredible. He is a skilled standup and glad that video is well watched.
Thanks, Istiaq. It made a big difference. I have a few more essays up my sleeves about my husband's family and experiences with them, all good stuff, just a variety of realizations.
That clip to me is so useful in helping to deconstruct stuff. Can you imagine if people applied the logic of "but they voted for" to other countries that have bombed or killed people. The US government has killed so many in other countries but we rightly don't assume it's correct to come kill American civilians on American soil is a legitimate response.
Agreed. It's bonkers. The narratives that are pushed are sadly used to justify destroying Gaza and it's civilians.
Noha, I am also a mother of boys, twin boys who are now 19. They have a sister who is 17. Like you, I grew up in a family of women, while my partner has only brothers. I don't think my boys stopped moving or talking until they were about five and then only in very short (10 second) spurts. On long car rides, my husband and I still have to tell them to stop "messing" with each other, while their sister roles her eyes. I never thought I'd know what to do with boys. I've learned that you just love them, listen when they feel like talking (which isn't often as they get older), and feed them a lot.
And, yes, "God protect our boys." Thank you.
OMG Emily, the car rides!! All.The.Time!!
I love your description of how to be with them. As they get older their is less feeling like talking for sure, but once in a while you get such a beautiful burst of feelings and affection and it's so much more meaningful because of its rarity.
And feeding them a lot lol. I feel that. When I would cook at home in my born family, I could count on days of leftovers. Now it feels that no matter how much I make, it's often finished the same night lol. I guess I should just be glad they like the food.
Yes! Car rides. I have no idea when they will stop trying to wrestle in the car. And, I so agree that those bursts of feeling and unprompted conversations are so precious.
Hang in there with the food. My boys are in college and so the university has to feed them now, but when they were home this summer, the grocery bill tripled. Aack!
Oh, Noha -- these thoughts are endearing. As I think I've mentioned in the past, I'll never know the joy of born-family sisters, but my adult daughters give me a glimpse of that bond. And as the only girl in a family of boys, I know what it felt like to have gendered chores, and how the boys were taught to be gentler with their sister, "do the heavy lifting." I know that as an adult, I learned my way past much of that but there is still a strain in me that appreciates when my husband helps me bring in 13 bags of groceries, or hang a level picture, or add air to my tires.
As it happened, my daughters were the only girls among my and my sibling's offspring. The grandmothers were SO HAPPY to have little girls to buy gifts for!
Your boys are lucky to have you. God protect our boys...here and afar.
Love this, Elizabeth. Once I got over my husband helping me with the heavy lifting, I really did come to appreciate it. He does most of the physical work around the house, including the installing of anything, or the assembly of furniture, and as the boys get bigger, he's bringing them into that stuff. Honestly, I am glad NOT to have to build another Ikea bookshelf as long as I live lol.
The idea of the grandmas being happy for the ability to shop for your daughters brought a smile to my face. Amen amen. For our boys and our girls and all the babies.
Two things, Noha. Absolutely, there is no reason on earth good enough to bomb an entire society to kingdom come. And this right here? "Then, Iron Man, Harry, Ron and Hermione would go off to fight Thanos, Voldemort, and Sauron, while Merry and Pippin tried to find a nice little café to eat second breakfast nearby." LOVELY. Boys blah blah blah boys. :D
I'm so glad you liked that line. I was pretty happy with it :D
The bombing is mind boggling and it's getting so normalized and it's both heartbreaking and enraging. I don't know what to do beyond continuing to raise it. I do feel like I'm shouting into a void because those who know, know, and those with power are happy to ignore us.
Lol i laughed at the image of the Avengers + Harry Potter, and then Merry and Pippin grabbing second breakfast. Classic merry and pippin behavior. What a sweet letter.
Merry and Pippin were always my favourites 😁