I don't want to distract from your very important point specifically about the dehumanizing of Muslim men, but I hope you won't mind if I say that I also found in this a medicine for a different wound. I read a really toxic post several weeks ago about how ALL men are secret perverts leading or wishing to lead secret deviant lives. It was so vicious, and I wanted to respond that I was certain this was not true because of the many good men in my life, but I was silenced before I began by the knowledge that no matter what I said, the author could say, "You just think that because they're so good at keeping their terrible secrets." So thank YOU for this. I'm so happy to know about the lovely men in your life, as well.
Gushing over every line and sentence. I want to borrow each of these men here like a library book that I can’t promise I’ll return. I hope you send all of them this, my friend. Sometimes reading the words you don’t always hear makes all the difference.
Thank you for this post Noha. I saw my husband and his brothers’ Baba in it, my FIL is the most serene human I have ever met, we call him the baby whisperer as he carried each of his grandkids around and I picture him at the ocean. Now he stands in the waves with them. He came to America in 1980.
My FIL has one brother in NC, one in Vancouver and a BIL in Atlanta- I saw each of them here, always feeding us, always offering more bread, all such gentle and kind hearted men. I picture our beach trip with 20 Heydarys after our family wedding where an awful person commented on Facebook, “Wonder what they are planning?”
My husband grew up in NC and only when people hear his and my kids’ names do they ask where we are “from”- when I’m out with my kids, they are more likely to pass as only white like me but my oldest has my husband’s hair and brows. We have been stopped by TSA on every flight. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Oh Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing all of this - I felt such a recognition reading it. My Baba is also the baby whisperer - he would sit there with each of the grandkids when they were over-excited or cranky and just pat pat pat until they eventually fell asleep on his chest. We have so many pics of him in a comfy chair with a tiny little baby on his chest, just melting into him.
The comment on Facebook gave me goosebumps in the worst way possible. How awful, dehumanizing and cruel!! I lay blame for this at the feet of mainstream media - Muslim men are shown overwhelmingly as sinister, controlling, angry, violent, when, statistically speaking, none of this could be farther from the truth.
I hear you about being stopped on every flight. Baba was/is a frequent flyer, and in the 50 legs he flew after 9/11, he was literally pulled out of the line for the "random" security check every time. He always complied. But he kept a tally, and then the 50th time, he finally said, "You know I've been pulled aside on every single flight I've been on - 50 flights, 50 "random" checks. By all means do your job but don't insult my intelligence." And he said it all with a smile and his soft voice! The agent was stunned into silence. I'm holding your husband and your family in my thoughts. Tell your oldest to be proud. They have nothing to be ashamed of, however cruel and uncaring the world seems.
Oh, Noha. This is stunning. I wish I could offer more than a few words of compassion and praise. I wish humans weren’t so tribal and wrongly motivated. I wish your boys could live in the bubble of acceptance forever. I wish some wishes came true more often. 💔
This is so beautiful you almost made me cry in the uni library. I was literally writing about this for a class about 2 weeks ago, I think about this all the time
I promise I think of them too. I see them. I see it all too. Thank you for sharing them with us. Thank you for your voice. Thank you for every word that pours out of your heart and through your fingers.
Always. I believe I was lucky enough to have been in environments with men just as you described, they always went out of their way to make sure I felt taken care of when I worked with and for them. The way they are with each other as well is a beautiful sight to see - the affection that they pour into each other. Truly some of the most loving men on the planet. <3
Thank you for writing this. I've shared these vital, beautiful words today with a Palestinian father who is a good friend and who also has two sons. Love your writing and thoughts. Sending strength and solidarity.
Oh, my Noha, I see the men you describe here with such love and reverence! And I thank you, for helping us see them too. I've had similar thoughts as I hear the reports on the nameless casualties, or the "terrorists". It's too heartbreaking. How do we stop this? Like you, I write. I beg. And yet, the numbers keep coming in. So many, too many, that we have become somehow accustomed/immune to this tragedy. What gives me hope? People like you. Writing like yours. And the fact that I see you, I feel you and that I share your heartache, despite the fact that I grew up in Israel. One day I hope we can share a Choco-raspberry cake and hug each other tight. Until then, I'm sending you much love. Thank you for this piece!
Much love to you too my dear. We can keep writing and talking and loving and donating and supporting and amplifying. I vote with my dollars too. No money for groups that invest in war or occupation.
This post made me cry in my morning coffee. You reminded me of all the Iranian men in my family and all the Arab friends in my life. Fathers, husbands, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, friends, sons of friends. Men who are kind and loving and will cook for you and fix your car and plant trees and flowers for you and tell silly jokes to make you laugh and are so different than the ugly hateful stereotypes that Western media loves to perpetuate.
Sending love to you and all the beautiful men in your life.
Sonbol I’m so glad you related! There are so many wonderful men in our lives and the world refuses to see them as they are… I want everyone to meet them. I want a celebration. Sending love to you too.
I hope you show this to the men in your life. I hope they feel as loved as they clearly are - how tenderly your words reverberate with feeling.
I know it often feels like we are powerless and can do nothing about this world's suffering, but this here is one of them ones. This is the kind of writing that immortalizes these men and the injustice they endure. We won't remember all of the faces when we look back, we as in collective humanity in decades, millennia, etc, but we will be able to read through this and art like it, and we'll feel the weight of their martyrdom. And hopefully we will have long since changed our ways.
This piece is gorgeous and haunting, Noha. My husband grew up in the Middle East and whenever I would visit, it was not lost on me on how many dads there would be at the playgrounds goofing around with their kids late at night (the only time the heat was bearable enough for outdoor play). You don’t see that many dads in American playgrounds and you certainly don’t hear or see the stories of human men who are also Arab.
May Allah bless, Thank you so much for this. I have been feeling this way for so long yet as a man, I feel as if my word won't be taken. The amazing thing is I was thinking the same thing just recently before reading. It hurts because I find little acceptance and constant comments about how men are this and that, and I've already been quite isolated in terms of having brotherhood or people in my life so it can quite literally feel so heartbreaking at time. And people think because we are men we should get over it. It was really demoralized growing up as a young boy in a world like this and even now as a teen.
We have hearts. We have dreams. We have fears. We have faults. We fear. We cry. We hope. I'm so glad there are people that see us as being worth something
Shahir, I almost cried reading this... You are so worthy. So many of us care I'm so glad you felt seen in this. You don't have to get over it or ignore it. The Prophet Muhammad used to cry and he was soft and gentle and loving - don't let anyone tell you men aren't supposed to feel or be these things. Do you have an MSA (Muslim Students Association) where you are? (I'm assuming you're a student somewhere in a Western country - they're all over North American cities.) If you do I highly recommend - you may find some brotherhood and general company... I'll make dua for you - you remind me of my boys...
Thank you so much for this, this really reached me deeply and will do, these words mean so much. I actually do have a MSA that I plan on joining during my first College semester (Spring) and ask for Duas for it all. Thank you a lot this means so much truly :,)
Allah yi7meek, may He guide you and protect and preserve you and help you to have peace in your heart and kindness and companionship always. I am so proud of you.
Keep using your voice Noha. Beautiful piece. Every human must be treated with dignity and deserves the sanctity of a safe home. We have made no progress until that is the case. Some days it feels so far.
You are so gently brave and I love that.
I don't want to distract from your very important point specifically about the dehumanizing of Muslim men, but I hope you won't mind if I say that I also found in this a medicine for a different wound. I read a really toxic post several weeks ago about how ALL men are secret perverts leading or wishing to lead secret deviant lives. It was so vicious, and I wanted to respond that I was certain this was not true because of the many good men in my life, but I was silenced before I began by the knowledge that no matter what I said, the author could say, "You just think that because they're so good at keeping their terrible secrets." So thank YOU for this. I'm so happy to know about the lovely men in your life, as well.
Oh Jennie that doesn’t take anything away. I totally agree 🙏🏽
I resonate with this too.
Gushing over every line and sentence. I want to borrow each of these men here like a library book that I can’t promise I’ll return. I hope you send all of them this, my friend. Sometimes reading the words you don’t always hear makes all the difference.
I haven’t told any of them about it yet because it was going to be a surprise, but I’m planning to. I hope to see lots of blushing 😂😂
Ohhh how I resonate! I want these fathers and uncles and all these men in my life!
Thank you for this post Noha. I saw my husband and his brothers’ Baba in it, my FIL is the most serene human I have ever met, we call him the baby whisperer as he carried each of his grandkids around and I picture him at the ocean. Now he stands in the waves with them. He came to America in 1980.
My FIL has one brother in NC, one in Vancouver and a BIL in Atlanta- I saw each of them here, always feeding us, always offering more bread, all such gentle and kind hearted men. I picture our beach trip with 20 Heydarys after our family wedding where an awful person commented on Facebook, “Wonder what they are planning?”
My husband grew up in NC and only when people hear his and my kids’ names do they ask where we are “from”- when I’m out with my kids, they are more likely to pass as only white like me but my oldest has my husband’s hair and brows. We have been stopped by TSA on every flight. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Oh Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing all of this - I felt such a recognition reading it. My Baba is also the baby whisperer - he would sit there with each of the grandkids when they were over-excited or cranky and just pat pat pat until they eventually fell asleep on his chest. We have so many pics of him in a comfy chair with a tiny little baby on his chest, just melting into him.
The comment on Facebook gave me goosebumps in the worst way possible. How awful, dehumanizing and cruel!! I lay blame for this at the feet of mainstream media - Muslim men are shown overwhelmingly as sinister, controlling, angry, violent, when, statistically speaking, none of this could be farther from the truth.
I hear you about being stopped on every flight. Baba was/is a frequent flyer, and in the 50 legs he flew after 9/11, he was literally pulled out of the line for the "random" security check every time. He always complied. But he kept a tally, and then the 50th time, he finally said, "You know I've been pulled aside on every single flight I've been on - 50 flights, 50 "random" checks. By all means do your job but don't insult my intelligence." And he said it all with a smile and his soft voice! The agent was stunned into silence. I'm holding your husband and your family in my thoughts. Tell your oldest to be proud. They have nothing to be ashamed of, however cruel and uncaring the world seems.
Baba a real life Uncle Iroh, damn. Said it with a smile and everything too.
Hahaaaa he really is.
Oh, Noha. This is stunning. I wish I could offer more than a few words of compassion and praise. I wish humans weren’t so tribal and wrongly motivated. I wish your boys could live in the bubble of acceptance forever. I wish some wishes came true more often. 💔
The words matter Elizabeth and I’ll wholeheartedly accept them
Reading your perspective is always a ray of light.
I’m so grateful to have met you, Christian. Thank you 🙏🏽
🥹🥹🥹
This is so beautiful you almost made me cry in the uni library. I was literally writing about this for a class about 2 weeks ago, I think about this all the time
Naila, habibty. I wish I could give you a hug.
:') 💜💜💜
I promise I think of them too. I see them. I see it all too. Thank you for sharing them with us. Thank you for your voice. Thank you for every word that pours out of your heart and through your fingers.
So much love to you, Noha 😭🫶🏻
Oh Mesa thank you so much for seeing them as they are, instead of as the threats they're painted to be...
Always. I believe I was lucky enough to have been in environments with men just as you described, they always went out of their way to make sure I felt taken care of when I worked with and for them. The way they are with each other as well is a beautiful sight to see - the affection that they pour into each other. Truly some of the most loving men on the planet. <3
They really do pour into each other. And into everyone else. Caring, protective, nurturing…. I wanted everyone to see it….
You did a beautiful job showing us all <3
Thank you for writing this. I've shared these vital, beautiful words today with a Palestinian father who is a good friend and who also has two sons. Love your writing and thoughts. Sending strength and solidarity.
Nancy, your share with him is the highest of compliments. So grateful to have you here. Thank you.
I am grateful, Noha. Thank YOU.
Oh, my Noha, I see the men you describe here with such love and reverence! And I thank you, for helping us see them too. I've had similar thoughts as I hear the reports on the nameless casualties, or the "terrorists". It's too heartbreaking. How do we stop this? Like you, I write. I beg. And yet, the numbers keep coming in. So many, too many, that we have become somehow accustomed/immune to this tragedy. What gives me hope? People like you. Writing like yours. And the fact that I see you, I feel you and that I share your heartache, despite the fact that I grew up in Israel. One day I hope we can share a Choco-raspberry cake and hug each other tight. Until then, I'm sending you much love. Thank you for this piece!
Much love to you too my dear. We can keep writing and talking and loving and donating and supporting and amplifying. I vote with my dollars too. No money for groups that invest in war or occupation.
This post made me cry in my morning coffee. You reminded me of all the Iranian men in my family and all the Arab friends in my life. Fathers, husbands, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, friends, sons of friends. Men who are kind and loving and will cook for you and fix your car and plant trees and flowers for you and tell silly jokes to make you laugh and are so different than the ugly hateful stereotypes that Western media loves to perpetuate.
Sending love to you and all the beautiful men in your life.
Sonbol I’m so glad you related! There are so many wonderful men in our lives and the world refuses to see them as they are… I want everyone to meet them. I want a celebration. Sending love to you too.
I hope you show this to the men in your life. I hope they feel as loved as they clearly are - how tenderly your words reverberate with feeling.
I know it often feels like we are powerless and can do nothing about this world's suffering, but this here is one of them ones. This is the kind of writing that immortalizes these men and the injustice they endure. We won't remember all of the faces when we look back, we as in collective humanity in decades, millennia, etc, but we will be able to read through this and art like it, and we'll feel the weight of their martyrdom. And hopefully we will have long since changed our ways.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Anderson, that’s beautiful. I think of this as their eulogy, for all the ones the world refuses to eulogize.
This piece is gorgeous and haunting, Noha. My husband grew up in the Middle East and whenever I would visit, it was not lost on me on how many dads there would be at the playgrounds goofing around with their kids late at night (the only time the heat was bearable enough for outdoor play). You don’t see that many dads in American playgrounds and you certainly don’t hear or see the stories of human men who are also Arab.
The human men who are also Arab, I love that phrasing so much…
May Allah bless, Thank you so much for this. I have been feeling this way for so long yet as a man, I feel as if my word won't be taken. The amazing thing is I was thinking the same thing just recently before reading. It hurts because I find little acceptance and constant comments about how men are this and that, and I've already been quite isolated in terms of having brotherhood or people in my life so it can quite literally feel so heartbreaking at time. And people think because we are men we should get over it. It was really demoralized growing up as a young boy in a world like this and even now as a teen.
We have hearts. We have dreams. We have fears. We have faults. We fear. We cry. We hope. I'm so glad there are people that see us as being worth something
Shahir, I almost cried reading this... You are so worthy. So many of us care I'm so glad you felt seen in this. You don't have to get over it or ignore it. The Prophet Muhammad used to cry and he was soft and gentle and loving - don't let anyone tell you men aren't supposed to feel or be these things. Do you have an MSA (Muslim Students Association) where you are? (I'm assuming you're a student somewhere in a Western country - they're all over North American cities.) If you do I highly recommend - you may find some brotherhood and general company... I'll make dua for you - you remind me of my boys...
Thank you so much for this, this really reached me deeply and will do, these words mean so much. I actually do have a MSA that I plan on joining during my first College semester (Spring) and ask for Duas for it all. Thank you a lot this means so much truly :,)
Allah yi7meek, may He guide you and protect and preserve you and help you to have peace in your heart and kindness and companionship always. I am so proud of you.
Yes yes yes. I see you, Shahir.
Keep using your voice Noha. Beautiful piece. Every human must be treated with dignity and deserves the sanctity of a safe home. We have made no progress until that is the case. Some days it feels so far.
Yes! Every human every human every human. Thank you Alice...
Thank you for sharing these wonderful men.
You're so welcome. They are my heart.
Phenomenal and phenomenally beautiful. Crazy unrelated note: my family is Ukrainian and we called my grandmother “Baba,” and my grandfather, “Gedo!”
OK I love that so much!!!